Your Nasty and Your Loud

You're nasty and you're loud,
you're mean enough for two.
If I could be a rain cloud,
I'd rain all day on you.

That poem was from Something Big Has Been Here.
You ever feel that way about someone? I know I feel that way more often than not!
The garden of mine looks great the rain really made the plants spring up. Ofcoarse it made the weeds grow just as quickly. Oh well, I've always said that gardening and coloring are the two best forms of thearpy. Try it, next time you feel low buy a coloring book and a box of crayons and suddenly things don't look as glum.

3 Days of tears

It took three days of tears to finally except that the legal system is as messed up as other people say it is. I am better now. the legal system it self is what got under my skin so much. I just had a hard time with it all really. I have to move on. There is nothing more that can be done about the previous subject. My husband's operation is this coming Monday and I start back to school on Wend. I don't have time to be beating myself over what happened. The fact is that I did everything that I could and I am sorry that it wasn't enough ,but hey, what else can be done?

Finding it hard to pick self up

I haven't typed since court. I'm lucky that I have gotten out of bed since then. Basically my daughter lost. There is two small pluses that have come out of this but I'm sure it doesn't out weigh the negative. People keep saying to me that we will get him in child support. I don't care and in fact that makes me angry because that implies that money is going to make it all better. It isn't! I'd give up child support in a heart beat if that meant my daughter being happy. apparently black and white evidence doesn't matter when it comes to non-criminal court really. Life doesn't seem worth going through any more and no matter what positive spin any one tries to put on it the fact still remains that he gets to cause trouble and turmoil in my life for the next 9 years. I get sick even thinking about it.
I know that there is no way anyone can understand and many may think I'm being petty. Then again no one went through the 5 years of hell that I went through with him either.

No title

We are going to have to buy a new computer. The one we have now is freezing every five mins. We have ran this and that program to try to fix it and nothing has worked. So we are going to buy a new one. I actually like that idea.
tomorrow morning is court. This is just another waste of our time I,m sure because again nothing can be solved without us both agreeing on it. GOOD LUCK with that! We have tried over and over to agree but ot really is impossible. Shoot if we could agree then we wouldn't be going through the court system.
I think that my husband and I are going to buy the paint for the bedroom this week. I'm really looking forward to painting. I am so sick of white. We are going to paint it a marine color. Well, I must be off. Have a good day!

True cartoon

I have been trying to upload this great cartoon I seen in the paper. For some reason it won't up load so I will do my best to discribe it .

This women is in a hospital bed and is speaking to her nurse, "WOW. Your childcare situation sounds a bit.....complicated. The nurse says, "It's fine the twins are always with family. The lady in the bed says back to the nurse," I am the owner of a reputable daycare center. Perhaps you'd like information. The nurse tells her After four children we don't nees information.. We need Volunteers.

Let me here an AMEN!

Feeling left out

I know this is silly but I have spent the majority of my summer with my kids for many years now. This will be the first year that I don't. I have work 4 days a week and then I will be starting my classes in July 5 days a week. This leaves little time for me to attend their ball games and go swimming with them ( although it is too cold to swim right now). Then again I don't have to hear how bored they are. Last year however, they had many lemonaide stands and that was fun to watch them do. oh well, I guess i will enjoy what I do with them even more. Off to work I go.

It is a beautiful day

It is such a nice day outside! The sun is shinning and there are few clouds in the sky. My plants are growing well, for the most part. For some reason I cannot grow a rose bush! I planted it after the last frost and it was doing great. Now it is near death and I cannot seem to revive it. Oh well, I guess I'll try again next year. I have been keeping very busy and trying not to think of the impending court date. He has dug himself so deep that I cn't see how he is going to weasel his way out.
Today is the kids' last day of school! They are very happy. It doesn't matter much to me this year because I'll be in scholl most of the summer. I will spend as much time as I can with them before I start. Well, I hope everyone's day goes well.

Nothing has changed

I haven't written in a while but I want everyone to know I am still here. Nothing has really changed. He keeps digging himself deeper and deeper. I really don't have time to write but I'll try to update later.

You wear me out!

I have a good theme song for what is going on in my life right now. I believe it is by My Chemical Romance and part of the song goes I'm not ooook, I'm not ooookkkk you wear me out!
That is how I feel about what jerk off is doing to me right now. Everytime I agree on something he wants more and more. Oh, he'll drop wanting 50% custody if I will agree on a child support amount with him. Gee, does someone only want 50% custody so that he doesn't get screwed in child support? He has just dug himself a nice hole. I would be willing to give him anything that he wanted if he was a GOOD DAD, not even a great dad, but no. This is how he wants to play then fine. I am so sick of the court and tired of trying to find the money to pay the lawyer but I don't care. My kids and their best interest come A NUMBER ONE! I tried to work with him, honest and truly. My husband and I have agreed that no matter what happens we will never put the kids through what I am going through right now. We will sit down like adults and do what is right for everyone. My husband is a great dad and I would give him 50% custody in a heart beat even if I hated him. Everyone sees that he does what is in the best interest for all his kids. Well, thanks for listening to my problems. I am off to other things now.

Whirlwind

I am in a whirl wind and cannot stop it. Everything always happens at once. Why can't life just go a few months without 100 major problems going on? Last night I was ready to not go to school to just go to work and deal with this court mess. Then I thought that this maybe may only chance with out having to pay thousands in daycare. Then I would have ruined God's reason for my husband having to take so much time off of work. What could possibly be the reason for the rest of this stress? I can't take much more. My sanity is running low...HELP!!

A Strange Family

Ok I have always known that my hubby's family was an odd bunch but, this has to take the cake. My husband's Grandmother died last Nov. And noone told him until now. His mother mentioned that she went to put flowers on her mother's grave on Mother's Day and my husband goes who's grave and that is when his mom told him! This just tops all! Now she didn't invite or even tell him when she got married a 2nd time. Ok that I can kind of see, she didn't come to our wedding. Ok we were in another state, but this there is no excuse for. What could she possibly say to him as a reason why noone told him? Parton the pun but, that was the last nail in the coffin of their already rocky relationship. I know she has lost all my respect.

Another Blog

I was cruiseing through blogs the other day and wow I didn't relize how many depressed people there were out in the world. Most are on the brink, at the end of their rope. I wish I had of known that there was so many out there when I was younger then I wouldn't have suffered a lone. As long as I know now though, I guess it makes it all good. My mother taught me hind sight is 20/20.
Nursing schools starts back up here soon. I am so excited! My friend is entering a different school for Nursing and they are taking into account her high school record. Now she has been out of school for 20 years. I think that is so silly since she has a great college record that is recent. She told the application lady that she is a diffrent person now then she was in high school ( aren't we all?). Oh the stuff that soceity finds to keep people down. Anyhow we will find out how things went before the fall term. I have a lot of cleaning to get done because when I was getting things out of the file cabinet for my lawyer I just left the other stuff out and about. I am such a pack rat. However, I am learning what should be kept and what can be thrown.
P.S Whoever made the polly pockets doesn't have little kids that can't put on the rubber clothing. I think they are the hardest toy to dress!

How AM I?

How am I ? Now there is an interesting question.
I am not sure how I am. I guess I am waiting... the sencond shoe has finally dropped when I comes to my X. So now all there is left to do is wait. I am being accused of violating everything in our orginal custody agreement and being taken to court for about $3000 by him. My lawyer has said not to panick. So here I am sitting and waiting. I keep saying the prayer from my last post because there is no point in worrying about things that I have no control over. The past keeps coming back to bite me in the butt. I really thought my X has moved on since he is suppose to be getting married this summer, but it seems that he wants revenge ( via the court) for every wrong he thinks I commited. Oh, well. Anyhow, I really can't say how I am...

Prayer

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference

This is a prayer my mom taught me. I say it over and over and over.

My Mom

Mother's Day is around the corner and I thought that I would type some about my mom.

I know my mom thinks that she has failed me and I haven't done much to discourage that feeling. The truth is that my mom actually did me wonders. She taught me to stand up for your children and follow your maternal instincts. She taught me to depend on myself and that no matter what you have to keep trucking. She taught me to trust God, and that he never gives us more than we can handel. There is no shame in asking for help if you need it.
Everytime I start to blog some one needs something. I'll have to finish this later.

What surpised me most about being a mom

The thing that has surpised me the most about being a mom is how many ways your heart can break and how many little ways it can quickly be healed.
What has surpised you the most about being a parent?

I am still batteling

My advice to all women every where be careful with whom you have children with.
Mothers show this to your daughters, let them know what a struggle it is to get what is your childs best interst when there is a person that only wants to work against you. The pain in your childs face when the father lets your child down, the long court battles to get him to do what is right. The pain the whole family goes through every time he acts like an idiot and tries to force your child to go to his house when he/she doesn't want to. Hind sight is 20/20 but you can never go back and fix the mistakes and the broken hearts. The only thing you can do is plung forward and hope for the best. No matter how much in love you think you are, or think that you are going to spend the rest of your life toghther, WAIT. Just WAIT. I cannot save my child from heart break, but maybe you can save your future children from it.

Last Post before Easter

This will be the last post before Easter because I have so much to do.
Everytime I have gone to check my e-mail these past few days, my stomach starts to do flips. Not good flips either. I don't want to get a call or email from my x and my stomach aches everytime I think about having to deal with him. I never know what to expect when it comes to him. Thinking about us going back to court makes me want to go throw up. I know I will be sick for weeks once I get my court date. My daughters birthday is on Fri and I know he won't call her (again). He has never called her or sent her anything for her birthday. I know that this will lead to another week of tears. Then I turn around and feel bad for ever having kids with him. I would have missed the dance if I knew that I could spare my daughter years of pain.

Pop corn balls

I just finished making popcorn balls. My cousins grandma used to make them every Halloween. I didn't know how messy they really were. I appericate those popcrn balls alot more now ans believe me I loved them back then! I made them today for my oldest daughter to take to school for her birthday treat. We are going to have 4 of her friends spend the night Thurs-Fri. After that we will head to my grandma's house on Saturday for Easter. I don't know how long we will stay but, the kids are bringing all their baseball stuff and plenty of other things to do. It should be a good time. Have a Happy Easter.

A little of this little of that

The wheels are now well oiled for the oldest daughter's dyslexia testing. We have an appointment set for her, the money has been set a side. I feel a big relief that we will know soon if something is wrong with her and what it is. I almost hope that there is something wrong because I have tried everything that I can think of. Is that bad?
How come my side bar won't show up on my computer but will on others?

Up date

I downloaded the Thomas Kincade pics. from his web site. ( I think that is where I got them ).
The wheels are in slow motion to go back to court. As i am reading the law I have a feeling that this is going to be a long fight. You would think that with all the bull shit he has put my daughter through that it would be an open and shut case. I have a feeling that he is going to try to blame her not going on me. Then he will either try to get me for contempt of court or try to take the kids. It is going to be a tougher battle to get her last name changed. I have the truth on myside so I am counting on the truth to win it for us.
I also called the nursing school to make sure that there was still space for me because it is taking so long to get my shots. They told me not to worry they have my spot saved! oh, good that takes a lot off my mind.
There is grest medical news out there also. Scientist have grown organs that work from one's own stem cells!! That means so much for so many!!!

I really like these

The only therapy I can afford

This is the only therapy I can afford right now, thank goodness it is free.
My X called the police this morning because my daughter didn't want to go to his house. All he would have had to do is apologize to her for being such an incosiderate, selfish person. Then she would have forgiven him and went. No instead he had to try to be a bully. Well, it did not work. She told the officer that she didn't want to go because he treated her poorly. He asked if her mom or step-dad was stopping her from going , she said no and that was the end of it. At least for today. I am sure that I haven't heard the last of him on this matter. There is so much going on in my life, his shit was the last that I needed to deal with.

Long time, No blog

I finally have a few mins. to myself, so I thought I would blog. So much has been happening that I don't know if I can even keep up with it. I jsut go through my days getting done what I can and planning on when I can get the stuff that I wasn't able to get done, done. My X is being his useual jerkish self so my daughter is refuseing to go to his house until "he can care for me like he should." These are her words. She feels like she is invisable when she is over there. Also she is really mad because when she hurt her ankel he Never called her. Not even after she chewed him out for not calling her. I don't encourage her either way. The only thing I say is for her to do what makes her happy. I learned the hard way that your happiness depends on the choices you make, including the the choice of who you are with. I don't want her to learn these lessons too late.

A pitcure like this reminds me of when I was a kid. My cousins and I would walk through the woods and explore. Sometimes we would come to an opening and it was always a mystery what we would find in it. Those were the days of pure innocence and peace.

I was at the doctor's office the other day looking at the BMI index chart. I for got to ask him to explain it to me. Can anyone help me out? I know being a soon to be nurse I should know, but I don't.

I am so glad that spring is fianlly here. although the weather is still cold, the promise of it getting warmer just makes me feel relieved. I had a nice spring pic. but i am having trouble getting it loaded. Is there a way that anyone can send me some nice spring picture Via- the computer?

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

I had to scream to get it out of my system.
On top of everything, my daughter sprained her ankle badly in school today. We took her for x-rays and she is now on crutches with an air cast. I called work and had them replace me because who knew how long we maybe. This is the second time this week I haven't worked. I didn't go last time because I had to attend a funeral. I should have seen the next part coming because for some reason people in my family die in threes. My other uncle on the other side of the family is about ready to go to the pearly gates and I have another uncle that could or could not go soon too. The last time someone(s) went it was my grandfather and then two aunts. I am enjoying everything as much as possible. I have my husband home with me because he got hurt at work. He is helping me as much as he can and then there is my best friend who is very encouraging. I really do have a good support system when I take the time to look around me. That is more than some have.

the spin quickens

I have made a interview appointment with a doctore that specializes in learning disablities. This way I can find out just what is the matter with my daughter. More and more things are being added to my calander. My husband was hurt at work so now he will have a slew of appointments. My Uncle has passed so we are driving 4 hours so we may attend his furnel. I can't wait til my stuff for school has been taken care of, this will take a lot off my calender and my mind. Some days I feel that I could just fall over. My face has broken out real bad. Poor, poor me. I know there is so much worse things that people deal with. I just need to vent to get it off my chest.

I couldn't help myself

I was at work yesterday reading an article in our local news paper in a section I don't normally read. The article was called Sharing compassion and was about the author who sponsored a child overseas and got to meet this child. I was so very moved by the article that I went to the website to sponsor a child myself. I thought that this could be something that my oldest daughter and I could do together since the child I choose is her age. I think that this will help my daughter grow as a person as well as help this other child. For $24 a month we can do this. I chose a child in Ethiopia because I know more about the starving children there. Don't get me wrong I bring the homeless in my own city food when I can and help others plenty. This however, I can't explain. Usually I am all "help the people in your own country first..." But something drew me to do this. I can't even think what it maybe had me do this.
I filed papers yesterday to receive more child support for my own kids. It isn't that they don't have a lot. It is the fact that everytime I ask for money we fight. This way I no longer have to ask.

Pouring my heart out

10 Years ago I thought that I was going to marry the father of my child and we were going to live happily ever after. I could not have been more wrong. After 4 1/2 years of misery (1 1/2 years were great the other 4 were bad) I left for the last time. It has been a a constant battle between us ever since. We thought we couldn't agree on anything before, ha that was nothing compared to now! Every little move I make with the kids is a battle. "If I had of known then.... Why won't he just fall off the face of the Earth?

I have to get it out

I just need to blow off some steam about a few things.
First off my daughter is still failing Math and she hasn't even gotten a test date for her learning disablities. The year will be coming to an end before we know it and then what? My husband and I may have to attend the next school board meeting. I have never attended one of those before. The test is suppose to be given in a timely matter. Well, what is exactly a timely matter. My oldest is so sad about her grades and is very afraid that she will be held back. I had a disscusion board site saved about this and now I can't find it. OOOOOH, the frustration and red tape.

Warm Day

Another warm enjoyable day. Although again this weekend it is suppose to be cold. When will it stay warm? I want warm weather!!
I have so many trips to the doctors this month that we should all know each other on a first name basis by the time we are done. I have to get 2 TB tests, Tetnis, MMR booster, Blood work. Then my kids each need a physical for daycare. Oh, I also need an eye exam (isn't my driver's license enough?). Then after all that is done I need to get a criminal history and child abuse clearnence on my self and send that in. Not that I have a record but they need to have proof.
Baseball starts for my 6 year old daughter next week or atleast practice does. I don't think I have enough to do. Does anyone need me to do any running around or Doctor visits for them too?

When you have to go, you have to go. I am surprised we haven't see a kid on one of those kids leashes out side the port-o- potty.

I have been much busier than usual. On Saturday we traded in our run down van for a much nicer one. Ofcoarse we had to put more money down on this but it is well worth it. I also had orientation for school, which I am so excited about. I have to go get my physical today and then each of my kids need one for daycare. I just can't believe how much daycare is going to cost for 8 weeks. I don't know how normal people afford it. I have much more to write but, my doctor's appointment is in one hour and I still need to shower.

100th Post

This is my 100th post. Horray for me!!
I have come to relize that I have a junk collecting problem. I collect a bunch of non-related items and think of uses for them if I can find other items to go with them. Then I don't find anything that goes with it and it just sits here collecting dust. If it wasn't for my husband I would have a house full of useless things. Instead I just have useless things in a few places. I also feel the urge to buy extra dressers, clothing that no one will wear (yet), and books. Oh yeah, toys too ( indoor and out door). Maybe I think that if it looks like we have a lot then we really will have a lot. Maybe I am trying to make up for all that I didn't have. I don't know. I can see however, how this could become a problem. If I could I would have a lot of animals. There was a time when I had 5 cats. I got rid of all but 1 after a while. But it is a good thing my husband has put a limit on things like that or my house would over flow.

No title

I am realy having trouble with this stupid computer lately. It has been too slow to do anything since my husband down loaded this new DVD program.
I am so very busy this coming week. My schdeule is full Tuesday. My husband is off work for a doctor's appointment and I am watching my best friend's kids for a bit. I also have to work and I wanted to go get my hair cut shorter. On Wend. I go and find out more about my nursing school! I am so excited about that. I had forgotten how expensive day care was. For a months worth of daycare for my 4 children it is over 2,000 American dollars.Atleast it is only for one month, then they ALL go to scholl! It is about time they all went. I have been looking forward to that day for a very long time.

Cute

I like this picture! If there was a such thing as reicarnation, I wanted to be a cat. I don't think I would go around sleeping in toilets, however.
Would you beleive that it is 50 Degrees F here. We are suppose to be at a high of 25 both Saturday and Sunday. Speaking of Saturday I have a cute spelling of it that my first grader wrote. Sad r day. That was just how she wrote it. Well, I have to go to work tonight, so I must be off. Have a good night.

Cute

I like this picture! If there was a such thing as reicarnation, I wanted to be a cat. I don't think I would go around sleeping in toilets, however.
Would you beleive that it is 50 Degrees F here. We are suppose to be at a high of 25 both Saturday and Sunday. Speaking of Saturday I have a cute spelling of it that my first grader wrote. Sad r day. That was just how she wrote it. Well, I have to go to work tonight, so I must be off. Have a good night.

Just the little woman

Yes, the blue was suppose to happen. Pink is my favorite color but, it was time for a change.

This is kinda what it looks like today. Or it would if we had more trees.

Ok on with the real post.

There are some days that I just feel like I am the little woman of the house that doesn't know a thing. I have told everyone about the mold and no one ever did come to look at it. We were just told that nothing could be done until the weather warmed up. Now I have heard a lot about the dangerous mold and frankly I am afraid of it. I wanted someone to come out and look at our mold just for peace of mind. Oh,no we can't do that because that would make our landlord mad. So I had my oldest daughter take everything out of her closet and put it into mine. Today my FIL went into the closet and cleaned the mold off the side you can see, then repainted it thinking that this was going to make a difference. There is still mold on the other side of the wall and it will come through. Hello, people. Let's use our heads! Then again what do I know I am just the little woman of the house.

Nursing school

I'll give those of you who want to know all the info. on the school that I have.
I have to go to orientation on Feb. 22 at 9am ( don't know who will watch the youngest yet). School starts in July ( don't know exactly the date). I have to finish my fincial aide and propbley have to take out a loan for day care. However, the kids will only have to go to day care for a little while because school for them starts at the end of Aug. I haevn't really made up my mind what I will do after I am finished. I do have a whole year to think about it.

Congrats to me!

I got my test results today and I am in! I did it! I did it! I did excellent on my reading. My math I passed by 12 points! Math is what I suck at. That is Ok as long as I got in. I really needed to reveiw a few things in math more indepth. I figure though that I will carry a calculator with me when I work. That way I won't have to freak out trying to figure things out.
This city has gone insane since the Steelers won the Super Bowl. The day after the city had a two hour delay for its schools. Then today some schools canceled because there was a parade downtown for the returning team! There were 200,000 people downtown for the parade today. I was going to take my youngest but it was too cold. Hope everyone is having a good day.

No News

No news on my test is not nessicarly good news. I will get them next week. I think everything should be send by email now. The postal service takes way too long. The big game is tomarrow. Go Steelers!

Boys VS Girls

Just a quick note first about the Super bowl... Pittsburgh will win because Seattle really isn't that good. Just watch the last game they played. They only won because the other team was REALLY BAD!! Pittsburgh is a good bet.

Ok So as we all know I have both boys and girls. Now I have always heard that one is easier to raise than the other ( Depends on who you talk to as to which is which). In my professional, hehehe, opion I think that it all even out in the end. Yeah, girls go through the very emtional tourcher you stage, but boys can tourcher you as well in other ways. One day I will fall over because of the daring things my son tries to do. I want to know what others think, however. Which sex is easier?

Pittsburgh's going to the SUPER BOWL

I think my husband finally fixed this nutty computer. Saturday I finished the last 2 carpets. I didn't go to work because my husband went to a Autograph signing for the Pirates ( baseball). Wish the steelers had one where I could get our QB's autograph. THEY ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL THIS SUNDAY!!! This town truely bleeds black and gold (our football colors). People are buying up everything they can get their hands on. The first thing on the news everynight has to do with the Steeler's. I can't wait to see the game.
No test results yet. They will be here this week or next. I have been calm, surprisenly enough. Well, have a jolly day.

My aching back

I just finished steam cleaning all 6 upstairs carpets. I have 2 more downstairs to do but I am all out of cleaner. I really need to run to go get more. I need to take short break first. My computer is going to crash soon I just know it. If you haven't heard from me that is why.

I would like to start off by thanking Fizzy for the information. I know it will help.
I took my test and I am really not sure how I did. The day didn't start off Start off well and it isn't ending well. We had 60 Math questions and 60 mins. to do it in. There was a lot of Mixed fractions and I'm not sure I did so hot on a bunch. There was a little algbra at the end and I guessed on those. There is just no way I can do that without help. I barely passed it the first time I took it. I don't know if it was the fact that I didn't have any breskfast or what but the choices for the reading comp. didn't make much sense to me. Now I am a very good reader and can comperhend very well, but the choices were just dumb. Although I do have a tendancy to miss the ovious and read too much into things. We needed 41 out of 60 on the math and 38 out of 60 on the reading. So we will see. Ofcoarse all this was timed. Good thing that the testing fee is tax deductable.
On to the dyslexic, hormonal child. Is that a mean way to describe her? Well, I was at the school yesterday for a meeting with my sons teacher, principle and the lady who gives extra help to the kids. My son is doing much better, this is good news. I took a few minutes to talk to them about why I would soon be contacting the lady and the pricipal for my oldest daughter. after I explained my concerns they said that they wouldn't test her unless she had atleast 2 F's on her report card. Now I don't think that is fair. If she has below a C and is crying all the time because she can't get it and just gets it enough to sqeak by... Why wouldn't you test her to just make sure? So I said that I would be contacting them at another time. This is the longest blog I ever wrote. I"M SO PROUD!

What's New

I know it has been a while since I wrote. I have been doing research on Dyslexia. There are so many things out there designed to help I don't know where to start. It is a complicated learning disorder that is not as cut and dry as ADHD. I haven't gotten a response from the school yet meaning that my husband and I are going to have to make an appointment with the teachers and principle. That is always a fun task. Ofcoarse I will go there prepared with all of my copies of why I believe that she has dyslexia and hopefully they can give me a starting point. All though I am not going to hold my breath. Does anyone know anyone who can help me with this? Give my an outline on where to start and where to go from there. She is in 5th grade and the stuff that I read is geared toward younger kids. Please help me help her.
On another note I have been reviewing for my test it is in 2 days! OOO, I have butterflies.

The Pot is Boiling

The pot is boiling and soon it will boil over. My husband and I are both under a lot of strss and it is starting to show. I am not getting enough sleep at night and he is more tired than usual when he gets home. This makes us both more grumpy. January is a really bad time of month for us and I wish there was more that I could do about it. I have taken on as many hours as I can and so has he. Ofcorse like I said before if my pay check would get here when it was suppose to...
The weather here is just weird. One day it was 51F and the next it is snowing! That is just strange. I am however, getting nervouse about the test that is coming up next week. Zoinks! I hope I can remember enough to pass. Wish me Luck.

Dyslexia

My husband and I are thinking that my oldest daughter has dyslexia. He was helping her with her spelling words one night and noticed that she can't sound them out. Now in kindergarten her teacher told me that she couldn't do phonics but I thought that it was because she hadn't attend pre-school and was behind. Now she is in 5th grade, she has been in a special reading group since 1st and has always had trouble in school. Her being dyslexic never crossed my mind. I went and looked it up on line and she is a text case dyslexic and it says that if you catch it by 3rd grade then she has the best chance at revesing it. So now I am mad at myself. It also says that it is passed down through the genes. Now I am really mad. ADHD, which my son has is also passed down through the genes. I never knew I had such a messed up set! I feel horrible that I have kids that have to deal with such hardships that I can do nothing about. Well, we will have to find a way to over come this too.

Grumpy All Day

GRRRRR! My frustration is mounting. I had to try and do the bills this morning! Ha, what a joke. My husband only worked a few days last week and my paycheck hasn't come yet. I have so had it with the company I work for. Would you beleive that I actually expect to get paid on time and the right amount. I owe almost $500 on my gas bill and my home phone is ready to be shut off. My cell phone has already been turned off. My oldest has grown out of everything she owns and her hormones are out of control. She has been such an emotional wreck. I would like to scream and have a hissy fit now. It won't help the situation any but it will make me feel better.

A day in my shoes

I have had a stomach virus since Saturday night. I am now just getting better. I will have to go to work tonight. I may get more rest there then here. Just when I start to feel better the whole house thinks that everything is all better. Then they wear me out. My husband got a taste of what I have to go through everyday, yesterday. He had to run a bunch of errands and take care of stuff and then it came time to take my oldest to the tutor and start dinner. He started to complain ,I said now you know what I do everyday. I think more men should get a taste of what us women do everyday. Maybe then they would calm down about things.

Mixture

There is a large mixture of feelings running through me today. Relieved because my husband has gone back to work today. They haven't had enough work for him for the past two days so he has been home earning no money. Anxious because we found a lot of mold on the wall of my daughters closest. I am waiting for a guy to come to check it out so we know what kind of mold it is and what to do about it. Tired because I haven't been feeling well and I haven't been able to slow down. It is almost like the holidays are my down time and things tend to speed up after them. I am also rushed because there are a lot of things that I have to do today and very little time.

Happy New Year

On New Years Eve my husband and I went to a Country Bar with friends. We had a blast. As my last brave act of 2005 I rode the mechanical bull! Now I told the guy operating it that I wanted to go really slow. Well, He left it on medium and that thing whipped me around. I held on for a bit but I finally let go and fell off. I was sideways on the bull and couldn't pull myself back up so that is when I let go. I am so paying for riding the bull. My thighs hurt so bad. I hurts to go up and down the stairs. ooooh, the agony.

Long Time

I know it has been a long time since I have been here. I have been too busy as I am sure everyone has. We had a great Christmas and I hope everyone else did too. On Christmas eve we had friends over and we played games. It felt like we were real people for one night. Santa was good to everyone and the kids really enjoyed themselves. It has been pretty warm here. All the snow is gone now and it is drizzleing outside. Atleast it is warmer, that cold brought me down.
Lately I have been reading about King Henery VIII and his wives. Good stuff and I just finished about the fight between Queen Mary and Princess Elizabeth for the crown. Now I want to read about Queen Elizabeth the I. I love that stuff. It is not romantic like Disney makes it out to be. There is so much back stabbing and betrayal. Good Stuff, Good Stuff.
The kids want me to take them to Chuckie cheese today so I must be off. Have a grand day!

Gray

28 and gray. I found 2 gray hairs at my temple the other day. It is a trait in the family for the women to go gray early but I was hopeing to get my father's genes. In his family they don't go gray til' they arre in their 60's. Not fair. I feel old. I didn't want to look old as well. Well, the only thing I can do is keep coloring it. ho hum.

It is Christmas time in the city

Why don't I feel the magic? My Christmas stuff is up. We put it up together,My gifts are bought and some wrapped.Why haven't I felt the excitement, the peace. What is the matter with me? I am just going on like I do everyday and don't feel a thing. WHY? It is staring to irratate me that I am not enjoying this season. I don't know why. Where did my joy go?
Maybe the fact that I am trying to save the planet everyday of my life it has sucked the joy out of me. I deal with so much that i forgot where to find the joy. Is that it? Or is it something else? Is there something wrong with me? I think there is. I didn't find anyjoy when my husband and I went out the other night either. It is me. I guess it takes more than 2 thearpy sessions to be better.

My Family

My 10 year old daughter has such a nasty attitude. You would think she was a teen. I took her shopping yesterday for a present for school and I warned her 5 mins. ahesd of time that we were going soon. It was just her and I going, I thought she would enjoy it. She gave me such a bad attitude when I told her it was time to go that I thought about not taking her at all. I try to do things with my kids one on one. If we can't do that I try to do stuff that we all enjoy. She just has such a bad attitude about everything that all I want to do is slap her. Sometimes I just let it go. Other times it really flares my temper.
My mom used to play games with me. I remember that she tought me every card game I know, not black jack my Uncle Lenn tought me how to play that. I enjoyed spending this time with her and thought my kids would enjoy spending time with me. I don't know. Kids, why are they so strange?

Baking

"Oh, the waether outside is frightful, but the fire inside is so delightful..." The weather outside is just nasty. It is freezing rain! Yuck. Good day to bake however. Yesterday I made no bake cookies. They turned out too soft. I think that is because I used the tub soft butter and not the hard stick butter. That would have made the difference, I think. I was thinking of making cut out cookies today and sending some to our elderly neighbors. I seen that some one had a bucket of coal forsale in the paper. I am considering buying it and giving it to our nasty neighbors. Writing on the card From: the neighborhood. Bah, Humbug. But the Christmas spirt has a hold of me and I do think that would go over to well. I guess I will go watch the Little mermaid with my four year old and then consider baking. Merry Chirstmas to all and to all a good night.

Choosing Battles

I am such a fool. Why is it I pick my battles carefully when my kids are little but as soon as they grow up we are fighting about everything. For example, I let my four year old wear what she feels is going to make her "popular". Those are her words. Infact she sometimes looks like a real goof, but yesterday I was fighting with my 10 year old over what she was going to wear sledding. How dumb is that. It is no wonder I am over stressed. Then my X emails me and says some nasty things. Now why should I care what he thinks about me. He is my X for a reason. When and why did I stop choosing my battles. Boy do I have some work to do to regain myself.

I was not...

I was not a greedy child. Infact I hardly asked for anything. I have passed the trait on to my daughters but unfourtanaly not my son. Do you know he gave me a 4 page Christmas list, front and back! The girls were lucky if they had 4 things on theirs. He did however buy something for everyone in the family, including the dog at his Santa shop on $5. Atleast he evens everything out. I teach all my kids about giving, nomatter what time of year it is, nomatter how poor we are. Whether it is change to the Salvation Army or Cookies,or bread for our neighbors. The nice ones that is. I should find coal for the mean ones! I hope that these lessons stay with them always. No matter what your situation there is always someone out there worse off. Even if it doesn't see possible.

One Christmas Day

When I was younger my dad had a truck that had a cab over the back. My brothers and I had to ride in the back because there was not enough room up front. I always thought it was cool to have our own private spot. We could say and do pretty much anything, as long as mom and dad didn't catch us. Mind you there was no heat going through this so it could get cold in the winter. I didn't mind much. My dad had put an old foam matteress back there for us to sit on and we had blankets to keep us warm. One Christmas Day we went to my grandma's house riding in the back of the truck. I remember the ride well. It was so quiet out. I don't remember another car on the road. There was plenty of snow on the ground but none falling from the sky. I sat back there and watched the countryside go by and all the way there I sang "Over the River and Through The Woods". Strange, that is all I remember of that day.

A bunch of things

I don't think that my brother is doing as well living at my house as he should be. He is bord and when he gets bord he goes out. Last night he was at the bar for 6 hours! I know he had been drinking a lot because he made a hell of a lot of noise when he came home. He tries to be respectful, but sometimes he forgets that he sleeps in my sons room and all of the kids' rooms are connected. The money he spent last night he should have sent to my dad as part of pay back for paying his bills. There is only so much that I can say to him. Maybe he won't go out this weekend though. I want to help him but I can't if he won't help himself.
I spent this morning mopping half of my basement floor. Oh what a chore that was. I want the kids to be able to play down there so that is what I had to do. There is so much that needs to be done today. I have an appointment at 2 that I have to take the 4 year old with me to. Yippeee.
Last night I went to a poetry reading and it was really good. The guy kept his voice at an even tone but the poems themselves created the pictures in your mind.
I have nothing to wear to my husbands Christmas party. This is rather upsetting to me because I gained weight and this is why I have nothing to wear. I feel like a fat pig and yet the food still finds it way to my mouth.!

Everyday

My 4 year old asks me everyday if it is Christmas. Every night we watch a Christmas cartoon that is on TV.
I remember the year my mom told me that her and Dad were Santa. I won't beleive it. In fact every year after that I tried really hard to prove her wrong. I still beleive in the spirt of Santa. I am not going to tell my kids that Santa isn't real. I'm going to go ahesd and let them beleive for as long as they want. I always tell them that as long as they beleive in Santa then he is real. Yes, my children there really is a Santa Clause.

No one Noticed!!

No one even noticed I spelled girls wrong on my blogger name! Infact I just noticed myself. I have done some 65 blogs and am now just noticeing my mistake. That jsut shows that I hardly proof read. Who has time for that?!

My Husband's Christmas gift

I am giving my husband a gift this year that I don't think even I will ever top. His favorite baseball player is Reggie Jackson, when he played for the Yankees. I bought him a jersey that is an authentic replica and Reggie Jackson has signed it. It has with it a certificate of authenticity too. I bought it for only $95.00! I am so excited I can hardly stop myself from giving him hints about it. I have been saving my money especially for his Christmas gift. He is very hard to buy for. me on the other hand am excited when I get fuzzy warm socks. That is just the way I am I guess. I am making Christmas ordaments for my friends. I know they will like those. Well, have a calm shopping trip for those who go out on the crazy weekends!

This time of year

i will be writing a lot of cute Christmas past and present stuff from now until the hoiliday is over.
One year my two brothers got up at about 3 am and wanted to go down and open presents. I knew that our parents weren't getting up that early so we went down looked in our stockings, looked at the unwrapped presents ( the bid ones were always unwrapped) and I the boys back upstairs to my room. Up there I read them The Night before Christmas, and let them sleep in my bed. They were up again at 5 or 6 ready to wake our parents up! Slowly they got out of bed cuz we couldn't wait any longer.

Seeing Santa

My two youngest girls went to see Santa on Saturday. My 6 year old is pretty shy so she didn't speak unless Santa spoke to her. My 4 year old however, climbed right up on Santa's lap and started a full conversation with him about his reindeer. It was so sweet. She sat there and told him how she had seen him earlier arrive on a trolley near her house and what everyone wanted for Christmas. It was cute. I love this time of year!

Happy Thanksgiving

The family is gathered,the turkey is in the oven. The wind outside is wicked and the large snow flakes are coming down. My husband is at the stove and my bread is baked. The kids are upstairs playing with their cousin. It is a grand day to celebrate Thanksgiving. I an always thankful for my dear, faithful husband. I am thankful for my wild and sweet children, my crazy dog, my loving cats, my dear father-in-law ( even if he does date our sitters). I am thankful that I have the ability to help others and that my family is all well. My friends are dear and doing well also. I am thankful that I am healthy and there are just so many others things that it would take all day to write. I hope that when you resd this you have a family to enjoy and friends to comfort and that comfort you. I hope that even if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving you reflect on the things that y0u are thankful for.

Have you seen me?

I have stopped going to school. the semester is almost over and I have stopped. That means that I will receive a F in these classes and I care but I don't. The college has given me nothing but problems and I am at the end of my rope with my self so I just stopped going. I will regret this later I know. I haven't seen the me that everyone (including myself) likes in about a month. I am calling around for a coulsor today. I don't know how well this will work out but, I might as well go. I don't really have anything to talk about besides what I say here. There isn't much else going on. I can hardly stand myself si maybe I can go and get some insite on what is going on in my head. Good luck to me. Have a Happy Hoilday if you are celebrating one.

I am weak

I have been crying on and off all week. The medication I take is not helping. The stress of school and family have gotten me so far down I can't see the light. I am always doing things for others and normally that makes me happy. When it comes time for me to do something for myself I fail. It doen't matter that I am only 28, I am smart and suppose to be strong and yet I have failed. I am drooping the classes I already have due to stress. It is eating me alive. I feel that I can't do anything right. Everytime I turn around I have done something else wrong. It is getting to the point that I don't even care. I can't even go to counseling because I have noone to watch my 4 year old. I want to throw stuff, I want to throw up, I want to scream and punch something.
My husband is getting mad at me and I am not sure how I feel about it. Numb I think. I do more than my share of crying about life. I did this to myself, i know that. How do I just move on and say oh well, so, I can't do this right now. I just have a hard time accepting that. I fight it until I almost destroy myself. I am so messed up.

Has Christmas become so very important that Thanksgiving just gets in the way? Two days after Halloween some people in the neighborhood put up their Christmas Decorations! Then I went to the mall yesterday and Santa was there! He never used to come until the day after Thankgiving. I remember reading the signs and my kids getting all excited. Walmart has been playing Christmas music since right after Halloween. This is getting out of hand.!! It used to be that the stores would put out some Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving to get people thinking. Then everything would come out right before Thanksgiving so they would be ready for BLACK Friday. This Christmas thing is just so out of hand anymore. I am doing the same thing I always have done. I start bring the stuff out the day after Thanksgiving then the first week of December I put the tree up. What does everyone else think?

A New Hope

Yesterday my dear friend came over. She brought with her a new hope for Nursing. She too wants to become a RN, she too has major road blocks in her way. So she found an LPN program that has a daycare right across the street. We can also get funding for this daycare as long as we are in school. Once we get our LPN then it will be easy to get our Rn and we will also have a working knowledge of what is going on in the work force as a RN. The difference is only one years education. There are a few resticitons on a LPN but, I don't know what they are. I know there isn't as many as there are on a CNA. Anyhow we can do this in one year and we would do this together. Talk about a great support sysytem! Our kids would go to day care together. Her boys are already fighting over who my 4 year olds boyfriend is. They are sweet.
On a side note her 4 year old punched his 3 year old little brother for accidenty hitting my 4 year old!!
Any way this is great news!!!

The 60's

I have heard many people talk bad about the 60's and the Hippies. I got to thinking about it and a lot of good things came from the hippies ideas and values. Just think everytime you walk into a health food store, that is there because the hippies wanted all natural things. Everytime you buy organtic thank a hippie. They were ahead of their time really. They new what was bad for the body and people scaffed at them. They enjoyed life and lived off the land. I know there were other things that they did that can be scaffed at but I was just thinking of the good.

To be or not to be

I often feel guilty about well...everything. When I went to a theraoist some years ago she said that was pretty normal. I was kind of upset with the answer because that didn't help me not feel guilty. I feel like I should do more fun things with my children, that is until I seen my oldest daughter's report card. Now i know I need to spend more time studying with her. Then there is my schooling, the more I see and here about nurseing jobs the more I long to be one. I know that the time just isn't right yet though. I just want to know how to stop having guilt pains. When people I love fail I feel like I have failed them. Whta should have I done differently. Ofcoarse i do have a friend that is a realist and she reminds me that it wasn't I who failed. That helps until my child's next poor grade. Well, maybe I should hire someone to come in and help her. Maybe someone who is in high school. I am going to look into that. Is this what it is to be a parent? Everytime your child succeeds or fails you feel it too. Or maybe that is just loving someone with all you have. The older I get the more I understand my father. He wasn't one to express his feelings well. But I now think that when we failed he felt the blow too and that is why he reacted the way he did. That would explain a small portion of him, anyhow. I guess you don't really know these things until you are a parent yourself.

Don't know

I don't know where to start writing today because so much is going on. I have been getting up at 6:30 in the morning to take my brother to work and I am tired. By the time I get back all the kids are up even the 4 year old. Since I don't want her in my bed until the bugs are gone, I stay up. I have philosophy tonight, that usally puts me into a good mood.
Everyone I know needs a break. None has any money to go anywhere though. On the 19 th I think my friend (with the 5 kids) and I are going to go to light up night. They are going to have spiderman and the green goblin there. I thought our kids would get a kick out of seeing them. The best thing is that it is free. There really is so much more but I don't know how to put it into words. Maybe because it is really not a big deal. It must just be the weather or something.

Everyone's home

Everyone has the day off today so I get to sit back and take a break. Both oldest daughter and Youngest daughter have lice. (booo whooo, booo whooo). we have all the sprays, shampoos and gels. We are going to turn this house inside out today. Stuffed animals are going into plastic bags for 2 weeks and Everything else shall be sprayed, washed, or vacuumed. Just thinking about it makes me tired. But this will not invade my house again!!! If I have to not let the kids go to their friends houses, then that is what will have to be done. No, more I tell you. I hate bugs!! ( Well, not lady bugs, we have those in our house too.)

Again!?

Here we go again. My youngest daughter now has lice! I don't know where she could have gotten it form. Now I feel dirty! My house is so clean too. My washer is broke so I have to take everything to the laundrymatt. Then the youngest says she crawled into the oldest bed last night after we told her not too. If she has to miss another two weeks of school they are getting their heads shaved! Ha, lets see those little buggers live in there! I am so very upset. I have already missed way too much school and if I miss another i have to do a medical drop or take an F. Why me? I know it could be worse. It could be life threating, this is just annoying. It had to come when the washer was broke didn't it. Oh, well. I am off to a shower and then the laundrymatt.

5 years today

This is the color of happiness for me. I love this color so very much. Anyway enough on the color. 5 years ago today I married my best friend. I am just as much in love with him today as I was that warm fall day 5 years ago. Infact my wedding day looks just like it does outside now. The sun was shinning the leaves were red and gold and orange. The sky was blue. Atleast I think it was blue. If not it was for me. I am feeling much better today and can't wait to go out tomarrow night! We cannot go out tonight because all the good stuff happens on Saturdays. That is fine though we will have fun. I really love my husband and the life we share together.

Gone insane got no brain

No comments please on this blog. I just want to rattle off what is on my mind.
So I am going to add two more members to the 7 people that already live in my house. It is a big house but in is getting small all of a sudden. My brother and his daughter haven't even moved in yet and I am worried how everything is going to work out. My youngest brother needs a place to start over again and my husband and I are opening up our home to them. The thing is that my brother can be a user when it comes to watching his child if he wants to. Although there are a lot of things that are different here than where he is now so maybe things will work out. I am afraid that my neice will miss where she lives and not like it here. I am afraid that there will be more conflict then I can handle. Mind you I am still going to school until winter break. You know what it is? I am sick and my head is clogged making me worry about stuff that may never happen or might not be that big of a deal.

Crazy

I am still sick but I am mad so I had to write.
I got a call this morning from my psyco X- sitters "friend". She wanted to know why I haven't called my x-sitter. I told her not to call me and hung up. Then she calls me right back and leaves a message. I know u are there bitch so pick up the phone before I come down and kick your ass.
Maybe it is just me but if you want someone to talk to you would you act like that? Now my x-sitter is in her 30's and I am in my late 20's, is this what grown women do? Threated to kick the pthers ass for not talking to them? I'm not afraid, however. In fact there is little that I am afraid of but couldn't we be adults about this? I am getting my number to my cell changed and if have to my home phone too. I saved the messages in case we have to go to court. Why did they have to pick a day when I have a bad cold and can barley speak?

My sinuses hurt really bad . I won't write again until my head has unclogged.

Happy Halloween!

This is a great color to write todays blog in. Sham on me I have been so busy that I haven't been keeping up on my blog reading. Sorry.
I had to email my proffesor to let her know I would not be in class tonight. I am going to take my kids trick or treating no matter what. I think I only have missed one year out of 10 and that was because I absoultly had to work. I really enjoy taking the kids out it brings back fond memories of my mom taking us out everyear. I am glad when it is over and close to the end of trick or treat my kids a tuckered out anyhow. Every year they say can we go home now. I expect this will be the last year my 2 older ones say that. I have a cold so I may be saying that after the first hour. I have to finish my daughter's cape. I was not paying 25.00 for a cape when I could make a really nice one for 3.00. So I must go do that. BE SAFE tonight.

Well, I must say the first comment on my last post just made my day! I don't even know who that person is. It is another grey day here in Pa. Sunshine, I need sunshine.
I am still going to put off my nursing. I still have sitter issuses. In fact I have to miss school on Halloween because I can't get a sitter. My espanol teacher better understand!
I am so busy with the kids these next two weeks. Tonight we have to go get my son's darth vader costume and then on Sat. there is a parade. I have to work during the parade unfortunatly, Sunday I work and I think there is something going on. Monday I am watching my friends kid because she doesn't have school and my kids each have a halloween party, Monday night is trick or treat. Then next weekend oh i don't want to think about it right now. Both the older girls have girlscout stuff going on. Today I am getting my hair colored. I am going light brown with light blond steaks. Ph, I hope it turns out. I am off for my shower and then my day must begin!

The state of being happy

So I spoke with my professsor last night so I could understand about being in the state of happiness. To reach this state you have to have acheived your goal in life and enjoy what you have choosen. So I won't be in the state of happiness until i am a nurse. It is hard to explain it took a whole half an hour for it to be explained to me. So now what shall I do? Shall I continue the fight to be a nurse? Shall I just wait til my youngest goes to kindergarden next year and then continue? I don't have any of those answers right now. I think I will just make it through this semester and then see. I hate waiting though. I want answrs like this yesterday!

More about happiness

Now I will give my opinion about the state of being happy.
Actually I have a few more questions about it. If one is in a happy state does that mean they never have a bad day? Does everything always come up roses? I for one would like to think that I am in a happy state of being because I have a great marriage and so on and so forth. However, the depression demond rears its ugly head every now and then. I also have bad, whacked out days. So what state am I in? Oh, the questions. Tomorrow, I may do my blog in Spanish for the practice. Don't worry I will translate.

More on Happiness

In psycology we learned that in order to be happy you neede to have five things first.

1. Need to be safe
2. Need food
3. Need shelter
4. Need love
5. Need sex ( this one is always disputed)

Only after we have these things can we begin our journey to seek happiness. Hey am am just going by what the "great minds" have said. I agree with everything but #5. That I am not so sure about.

Happiness is...

Hola, me amigas. What I am about to write is what Aristotile said about hapiness. Tell me what you think.

He said you need the following things to acheive the state of happiness:

• a little money
• good friends
• good health
• love ( true love not the using of the other person)
• moral uprightness
• A steady state of mind, doing good things all the time
• good Mental health

Is there anything that you think should be added or deleted?

This is why I'm Busybusybusy

As if I didn't have enough of my own work to do, I have to come up with a brillant idea for my oldest science project. It is due tomarrow. She need a maginifying lense on a sturdy base. I have to finish my philosophy paper on Russell( 3 pgs) by Wend., I need to go into the office for work to sign some papers. The girls want to sign up for free tennis lessons, thats great depending on the where and when. This is why I can't go into nursing school right now. When you get in, you have to go full time, it is all or nothing. I have to choose nothing because I would go nuts. There is just too much to do now. I guess I am really trying to remind myself why I can't go now. I know I would be a great nurse because I take my job and the wealfare of others so seriously. I am just going to have to be a good aide for now. I really must go. We still have to do this science project.

This is the 2nd week my daughter has been home from school. We keep finding one more nit everyday. It is driving both her and I nuts. Then there is the 4 yr. old that loves to scream at the top of her lungs about everything. The puppy isn't helping much either. I love being at home with them, but I need a break, besides school and work. I need to get out. Go somewhere relaxing, where I can unwind.
I know I bombed my Spanish test, having the little boys death on my mind didn't help. I was so concerned with how to say the words that I forgot what they meant. I didn't even need to know how to say them, why did I worry about that. oh, hum. I hope things are going weel for everyone else.

How I want to be remembered

I want to be remembered for helping others improve their quality of living. I would like to be remember as a giving, careing person. Since my Husaband insists I am to be buried( and not creamated), I want to be buried in my Pj's. Why not? No makeup, but please color my hair if it needs it. If you buy flowers for the funeral, please make them fake. That way they will last forever. Play some soft music in the backgroud because it is soothing to others. I think those are my only requests. I want to write it down now because you never know when my time will be up. Make your wishes known to your loved ones too. It will help ease the burden.

To A SWEET LITTLE BOY

Bring out your tissues.
I just got the call that the sweet little boy that I took care of a few years back died on Sat. morning. He had a grand mal seizure and passed in his sleep. He was just turning 9 this month, as old as my son. He was Austistic and had white blonde hair. He was so active and loveable. I will never forget that although he really cpuld not speak he could say my name and Hi. That was really it. he amazed me often and I loved watching him. His parents amazed me with their calmness and love for all of their kids. They always found ways for this little boy to have a good time. I am crying as I type so there will be a lot of errors. He will be greatly missed.

And Now...

And now I have a child running a fever. I have 3 of the 4 children home today! Therefore,this post is super short.

Putting A Chapter of My Life Off

This post will come to a shock to my family for I haven't said anything yet. In fact I came to this conclusion last night. After this semester I will stop going to school, at least for a while. I do not put in enough study time because I would rather be involved with my family. Nursing school is just going to have to wait. The kids and my husband need me more then we need the money. I can always go back. The stress of school and home and the guilt felt for not helping or doing things with the family is getting to me. It has been for sometime. I still haven't heard anything about my appeal and even though I am putting off school, they better not suspend me! That I will still fight because that is the right thing to do. I know many will be disappointed but they haven't walked a mile in my shoes. This is the right thing to do, I know it in my heart.

Fall

Fall and I have a love/hate relationship. I love the leaves turning and the slightly cooler air. I hate that my allergies act up really bad and that it rains more. Now the air is suppose to be a little cooler and I am frio already! I also hate that even colder weather is on its way. Winter and I have this same realationship.
The Lice situation is still confined to one person! Whew!

The joy of it all

Oh the joy of having kids and a puppy! I have had it with bugs! My oldest has lice and the puppy ofcourse has fleas. On top of the fleas he also has a skin condition and won't stop scratching. His fur is coming off in spots. I have spent quite a bit of money on the two of them! I give the dog weekly baths with special shampoo and then apply ati-itch stuff. Anyone who has ever had a child with long, thick hair knows the fun I am having with the lice! I have sprayed and washed everything, twice! Only one child has it luckily so it could be worse. However, I am so parinoid about me getting it that my whole body is itchy and wasn't before I found the lice. Have a good day.

Friday cont...

This might as well be Friday still as far as that psycho is concerned. She has called here every day this weekend and then again this morning at 8:20. The courts and such are closed today so tomorrow I will go down and file a harassment paper. I have had enough!!!
The meeting with the school went better than I thought it would. Ofcoarse I was very prepared and had two sheets of paper that gave ideas on things that will help ADHD kids in school. So I may have just helped other kids too! I fight hard for my kids and will never give up. Even if that means one day pulling them out of school and teaching at home. They mean more to me than any job or schooling that I maybe doing at the time. In 15 years or so I can resume my life but they can never get back these years of theirs. I am doing my best to keep the balance between my life and theirs. It has never been close to easy. I get very upset sometimes because I cannot keep the balance, but it tends to pass. I hope this finds everyone well. Hasta Manana

She just can't leave us alone...

I am so ready to change my phone number! That ex-sitter of mine is still calling me. Why can't she get it through her fat head that I DO NOT WANT TO SPEAK WITH HER! Her and my father-in-law tried to mess with my nursing career, I don't forgive easily for messing with my family. Worse yet these are his grandchildren, why date the sitter if you know there is a possility that she will quite because of the relationship. It would be different if this was the first time but it is not.
The party last night didn't help my mood much. I guess that was really because of the wench calling this morning. I have a meeting at my son's school. I always dread those meetings, the school can be such bullies if you are not prepared. I am ready though, I have been since the first day. I feel I know enough about ADHD to get my son some real help.

All in a days work

I spent yesterday cleaning two of our carpets and the couch and loveseat. OMG what a job. I will spare you how dirty they all were. Tonight I am having a candel party. I don't expect people to order much but that is ok. I just like it to have all my friends in one place. I have still been in a funk. Haven't gone to school all week because I just can't bring my self to. I have been studing hard for my first espanol test. I am hopeing for an A but a B will do.
Today I am going to dust and that is about all. Hopefully miss grump will take a nap.
Hasta pronto ( see you soon).

I shouldn't be laughing

This is sort of funny, so feel free to laugh.
Last night I was having a dream that I was spending the night at my mom's house. I was sleeping in the livingroom when my oldest brother walked in at 2 am. He turned on a bunch of lights and was talking loudly with his friends. This sent me over the edge for I was sick of him having no respect for anyone. My husband who was sleeping in the chair next to me said I should go confront him and get it over with. So I go in to him and his friends and start talking with my brother. Then one of his friends starts to get smart. I think I am going to beat this guy. I turn and it is just a kid about ten. Oh hell, I can't beat up a little kid so I bite him instead. Here is the funny part.... I wake up to my four year old sniffling ,she was sleeping next to me in real life. I ask her what is wrong. " Mom, you bit me!" she says. I really did, instead of biting the kid in my dream I had really bit her! I do feel bad, but still laughing.

The Funk

I was so upset over things last night that I didn't go to school. On top of everything My husbands ex-wife is getting all nasty over nothing. This seems to be her trend. My poor husband is accused of not knowing what it is like to have to raise one child. She is right he only knows what it is like to raise 4. I am in a funk and wish there was ssomething that could bring me out of it.
I had such a great time for my birthday. My husband and I went to W. V. and played the slots. Then we went to a bar and then we just sat out side and watched the stars. We didn't return til' 2 Am and I felt human again. I guess the funk is because people just can't leave a good thing a lone. Well, I will just concentrate on the good friends and good family I have.

The stress of it all

My internet has been down since my last post. Thankfully the man came to fix it today.
So since I last wrote my two oldest went to their father's house with their bikes and someone broke into his house and stole the bikes. My father-in-law who has been dating my babysitter wouldn't take her out to dinner the other night so she calls me up and flips out on me. I don't want to speak to either one of them for a very long time. Lucky she was only an emergency sitter. I still haven't heard anything about my appeal, I want to take the enterce exam for nursing in late Nov. I have to go estudio for my espanol quiz. Later.