This time of year

i will be writing a lot of cute Christmas past and present stuff from now until the hoiliday is over.
One year my two brothers got up at about 3 am and wanted to go down and open presents. I knew that our parents weren't getting up that early so we went down looked in our stockings, looked at the unwrapped presents ( the bid ones were always unwrapped) and I the boys back upstairs to my room. Up there I read them The Night before Christmas, and let them sleep in my bed. They were up again at 5 or 6 ready to wake our parents up! Slowly they got out of bed cuz we couldn't wait any longer.

Seeing Santa

My two youngest girls went to see Santa on Saturday. My 6 year old is pretty shy so she didn't speak unless Santa spoke to her. My 4 year old however, climbed right up on Santa's lap and started a full conversation with him about his reindeer. It was so sweet. She sat there and told him how she had seen him earlier arrive on a trolley near her house and what everyone wanted for Christmas. It was cute. I love this time of year!

Happy Thanksgiving

The family is gathered,the turkey is in the oven. The wind outside is wicked and the large snow flakes are coming down. My husband is at the stove and my bread is baked. The kids are upstairs playing with their cousin. It is a grand day to celebrate Thanksgiving. I an always thankful for my dear, faithful husband. I am thankful for my wild and sweet children, my crazy dog, my loving cats, my dear father-in-law ( even if he does date our sitters). I am thankful that I have the ability to help others and that my family is all well. My friends are dear and doing well also. I am thankful that I am healthy and there are just so many others things that it would take all day to write. I hope that when you resd this you have a family to enjoy and friends to comfort and that comfort you. I hope that even if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving you reflect on the things that y0u are thankful for.

Have you seen me?

I have stopped going to school. the semester is almost over and I have stopped. That means that I will receive a F in these classes and I care but I don't. The college has given me nothing but problems and I am at the end of my rope with my self so I just stopped going. I will regret this later I know. I haven't seen the me that everyone (including myself) likes in about a month. I am calling around for a coulsor today. I don't know how well this will work out but, I might as well go. I don't really have anything to talk about besides what I say here. There isn't much else going on. I can hardly stand myself si maybe I can go and get some insite on what is going on in my head. Good luck to me. Have a Happy Hoilday if you are celebrating one.

I am weak

I have been crying on and off all week. The medication I take is not helping. The stress of school and family have gotten me so far down I can't see the light. I am always doing things for others and normally that makes me happy. When it comes time for me to do something for myself I fail. It doen't matter that I am only 28, I am smart and suppose to be strong and yet I have failed. I am drooping the classes I already have due to stress. It is eating me alive. I feel that I can't do anything right. Everytime I turn around I have done something else wrong. It is getting to the point that I don't even care. I can't even go to counseling because I have noone to watch my 4 year old. I want to throw stuff, I want to throw up, I want to scream and punch something.
My husband is getting mad at me and I am not sure how I feel about it. Numb I think. I do more than my share of crying about life. I did this to myself, i know that. How do I just move on and say oh well, so, I can't do this right now. I just have a hard time accepting that. I fight it until I almost destroy myself. I am so messed up.

Has Christmas become so very important that Thanksgiving just gets in the way? Two days after Halloween some people in the neighborhood put up their Christmas Decorations! Then I went to the mall yesterday and Santa was there! He never used to come until the day after Thankgiving. I remember reading the signs and my kids getting all excited. Walmart has been playing Christmas music since right after Halloween. This is getting out of hand.!! It used to be that the stores would put out some Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving to get people thinking. Then everything would come out right before Thanksgiving so they would be ready for BLACK Friday. This Christmas thing is just so out of hand anymore. I am doing the same thing I always have done. I start bring the stuff out the day after Thanksgiving then the first week of December I put the tree up. What does everyone else think?

A New Hope

Yesterday my dear friend came over. She brought with her a new hope for Nursing. She too wants to become a RN, she too has major road blocks in her way. So she found an LPN program that has a daycare right across the street. We can also get funding for this daycare as long as we are in school. Once we get our LPN then it will be easy to get our Rn and we will also have a working knowledge of what is going on in the work force as a RN. The difference is only one years education. There are a few resticitons on a LPN but, I don't know what they are. I know there isn't as many as there are on a CNA. Anyhow we can do this in one year and we would do this together. Talk about a great support sysytem! Our kids would go to day care together. Her boys are already fighting over who my 4 year olds boyfriend is. They are sweet.
On a side note her 4 year old punched his 3 year old little brother for accidenty hitting my 4 year old!!
Any way this is great news!!!

The 60's

I have heard many people talk bad about the 60's and the Hippies. I got to thinking about it and a lot of good things came from the hippies ideas and values. Just think everytime you walk into a health food store, that is there because the hippies wanted all natural things. Everytime you buy organtic thank a hippie. They were ahead of their time really. They new what was bad for the body and people scaffed at them. They enjoyed life and lived off the land. I know there were other things that they did that can be scaffed at but I was just thinking of the good.

To be or not to be

I often feel guilty about well...everything. When I went to a theraoist some years ago she said that was pretty normal. I was kind of upset with the answer because that didn't help me not feel guilty. I feel like I should do more fun things with my children, that is until I seen my oldest daughter's report card. Now i know I need to spend more time studying with her. Then there is my schooling, the more I see and here about nurseing jobs the more I long to be one. I know that the time just isn't right yet though. I just want to know how to stop having guilt pains. When people I love fail I feel like I have failed them. Whta should have I done differently. Ofcoarse i do have a friend that is a realist and she reminds me that it wasn't I who failed. That helps until my child's next poor grade. Well, maybe I should hire someone to come in and help her. Maybe someone who is in high school. I am going to look into that. Is this what it is to be a parent? Everytime your child succeeds or fails you feel it too. Or maybe that is just loving someone with all you have. The older I get the more I understand my father. He wasn't one to express his feelings well. But I now think that when we failed he felt the blow too and that is why he reacted the way he did. That would explain a small portion of him, anyhow. I guess you don't really know these things until you are a parent yourself.

Don't know

I don't know where to start writing today because so much is going on. I have been getting up at 6:30 in the morning to take my brother to work and I am tired. By the time I get back all the kids are up even the 4 year old. Since I don't want her in my bed until the bugs are gone, I stay up. I have philosophy tonight, that usally puts me into a good mood.
Everyone I know needs a break. None has any money to go anywhere though. On the 19 th I think my friend (with the 5 kids) and I are going to go to light up night. They are going to have spiderman and the green goblin there. I thought our kids would get a kick out of seeing them. The best thing is that it is free. There really is so much more but I don't know how to put it into words. Maybe because it is really not a big deal. It must just be the weather or something.

Everyone's home

Everyone has the day off today so I get to sit back and take a break. Both oldest daughter and Youngest daughter have lice. (booo whooo, booo whooo). we have all the sprays, shampoos and gels. We are going to turn this house inside out today. Stuffed animals are going into plastic bags for 2 weeks and Everything else shall be sprayed, washed, or vacuumed. Just thinking about it makes me tired. But this will not invade my house again!!! If I have to not let the kids go to their friends houses, then that is what will have to be done. No, more I tell you. I hate bugs!! ( Well, not lady bugs, we have those in our house too.)

Again!?

Here we go again. My youngest daughter now has lice! I don't know where she could have gotten it form. Now I feel dirty! My house is so clean too. My washer is broke so I have to take everything to the laundrymatt. Then the youngest says she crawled into the oldest bed last night after we told her not too. If she has to miss another two weeks of school they are getting their heads shaved! Ha, lets see those little buggers live in there! I am so very upset. I have already missed way too much school and if I miss another i have to do a medical drop or take an F. Why me? I know it could be worse. It could be life threating, this is just annoying. It had to come when the washer was broke didn't it. Oh, well. I am off to a shower and then the laundrymatt.

5 years today

This is the color of happiness for me. I love this color so very much. Anyway enough on the color. 5 years ago today I married my best friend. I am just as much in love with him today as I was that warm fall day 5 years ago. Infact my wedding day looks just like it does outside now. The sun was shinning the leaves were red and gold and orange. The sky was blue. Atleast I think it was blue. If not it was for me. I am feeling much better today and can't wait to go out tomarrow night! We cannot go out tonight because all the good stuff happens on Saturdays. That is fine though we will have fun. I really love my husband and the life we share together.

Gone insane got no brain

No comments please on this blog. I just want to rattle off what is on my mind.
So I am going to add two more members to the 7 people that already live in my house. It is a big house but in is getting small all of a sudden. My brother and his daughter haven't even moved in yet and I am worried how everything is going to work out. My youngest brother needs a place to start over again and my husband and I are opening up our home to them. The thing is that my brother can be a user when it comes to watching his child if he wants to. Although there are a lot of things that are different here than where he is now so maybe things will work out. I am afraid that my neice will miss where she lives and not like it here. I am afraid that there will be more conflict then I can handle. Mind you I am still going to school until winter break. You know what it is? I am sick and my head is clogged making me worry about stuff that may never happen or might not be that big of a deal.

Crazy

I am still sick but I am mad so I had to write.
I got a call this morning from my psyco X- sitters "friend". She wanted to know why I haven't called my x-sitter. I told her not to call me and hung up. Then she calls me right back and leaves a message. I know u are there bitch so pick up the phone before I come down and kick your ass.
Maybe it is just me but if you want someone to talk to you would you act like that? Now my x-sitter is in her 30's and I am in my late 20's, is this what grown women do? Threated to kick the pthers ass for not talking to them? I'm not afraid, however. In fact there is little that I am afraid of but couldn't we be adults about this? I am getting my number to my cell changed and if have to my home phone too. I saved the messages in case we have to go to court. Why did they have to pick a day when I have a bad cold and can barley speak?

My sinuses hurt really bad . I won't write again until my head has unclogged.