Long Time

I know it has been a long time since I have been here. I have been too busy as I am sure everyone has. We had a great Christmas and I hope everyone else did too. On Christmas eve we had friends over and we played games. It felt like we were real people for one night. Santa was good to everyone and the kids really enjoyed themselves. It has been pretty warm here. All the snow is gone now and it is drizzleing outside. Atleast it is warmer, that cold brought me down.
Lately I have been reading about King Henery VIII and his wives. Good stuff and I just finished about the fight between Queen Mary and Princess Elizabeth for the crown. Now I want to read about Queen Elizabeth the I. I love that stuff. It is not romantic like Disney makes it out to be. There is so much back stabbing and betrayal. Good Stuff, Good Stuff.
The kids want me to take them to Chuckie cheese today so I must be off. Have a grand day!

Gray

28 and gray. I found 2 gray hairs at my temple the other day. It is a trait in the family for the women to go gray early but I was hopeing to get my father's genes. In his family they don't go gray til' they arre in their 60's. Not fair. I feel old. I didn't want to look old as well. Well, the only thing I can do is keep coloring it. ho hum.

It is Christmas time in the city

Why don't I feel the magic? My Christmas stuff is up. We put it up together,My gifts are bought and some wrapped.Why haven't I felt the excitement, the peace. What is the matter with me? I am just going on like I do everyday and don't feel a thing. WHY? It is staring to irratate me that I am not enjoying this season. I don't know why. Where did my joy go?
Maybe the fact that I am trying to save the planet everyday of my life it has sucked the joy out of me. I deal with so much that i forgot where to find the joy. Is that it? Or is it something else? Is there something wrong with me? I think there is. I didn't find anyjoy when my husband and I went out the other night either. It is me. I guess it takes more than 2 thearpy sessions to be better.

My Family

My 10 year old daughter has such a nasty attitude. You would think she was a teen. I took her shopping yesterday for a present for school and I warned her 5 mins. ahesd of time that we were going soon. It was just her and I going, I thought she would enjoy it. She gave me such a bad attitude when I told her it was time to go that I thought about not taking her at all. I try to do things with my kids one on one. If we can't do that I try to do stuff that we all enjoy. She just has such a bad attitude about everything that all I want to do is slap her. Sometimes I just let it go. Other times it really flares my temper.
My mom used to play games with me. I remember that she tought me every card game I know, not black jack my Uncle Lenn tought me how to play that. I enjoyed spending this time with her and thought my kids would enjoy spending time with me. I don't know. Kids, why are they so strange?

Baking

"Oh, the waether outside is frightful, but the fire inside is so delightful..." The weather outside is just nasty. It is freezing rain! Yuck. Good day to bake however. Yesterday I made no bake cookies. They turned out too soft. I think that is because I used the tub soft butter and not the hard stick butter. That would have made the difference, I think. I was thinking of making cut out cookies today and sending some to our elderly neighbors. I seen that some one had a bucket of coal forsale in the paper. I am considering buying it and giving it to our nasty neighbors. Writing on the card From: the neighborhood. Bah, Humbug. But the Christmas spirt has a hold of me and I do think that would go over to well. I guess I will go watch the Little mermaid with my four year old and then consider baking. Merry Chirstmas to all and to all a good night.

Choosing Battles

I am such a fool. Why is it I pick my battles carefully when my kids are little but as soon as they grow up we are fighting about everything. For example, I let my four year old wear what she feels is going to make her "popular". Those are her words. Infact she sometimes looks like a real goof, but yesterday I was fighting with my 10 year old over what she was going to wear sledding. How dumb is that. It is no wonder I am over stressed. Then my X emails me and says some nasty things. Now why should I care what he thinks about me. He is my X for a reason. When and why did I stop choosing my battles. Boy do I have some work to do to regain myself.

I was not...

I was not a greedy child. Infact I hardly asked for anything. I have passed the trait on to my daughters but unfourtanaly not my son. Do you know he gave me a 4 page Christmas list, front and back! The girls were lucky if they had 4 things on theirs. He did however buy something for everyone in the family, including the dog at his Santa shop on $5. Atleast he evens everything out. I teach all my kids about giving, nomatter what time of year it is, nomatter how poor we are. Whether it is change to the Salvation Army or Cookies,or bread for our neighbors. The nice ones that is. I should find coal for the mean ones! I hope that these lessons stay with them always. No matter what your situation there is always someone out there worse off. Even if it doesn't see possible.

One Christmas Day

When I was younger my dad had a truck that had a cab over the back. My brothers and I had to ride in the back because there was not enough room up front. I always thought it was cool to have our own private spot. We could say and do pretty much anything, as long as mom and dad didn't catch us. Mind you there was no heat going through this so it could get cold in the winter. I didn't mind much. My dad had put an old foam matteress back there for us to sit on and we had blankets to keep us warm. One Christmas Day we went to my grandma's house riding in the back of the truck. I remember the ride well. It was so quiet out. I don't remember another car on the road. There was plenty of snow on the ground but none falling from the sky. I sat back there and watched the countryside go by and all the way there I sang "Over the River and Through The Woods". Strange, that is all I remember of that day.

A bunch of things

I don't think that my brother is doing as well living at my house as he should be. He is bord and when he gets bord he goes out. Last night he was at the bar for 6 hours! I know he had been drinking a lot because he made a hell of a lot of noise when he came home. He tries to be respectful, but sometimes he forgets that he sleeps in my sons room and all of the kids' rooms are connected. The money he spent last night he should have sent to my dad as part of pay back for paying his bills. There is only so much that I can say to him. Maybe he won't go out this weekend though. I want to help him but I can't if he won't help himself.
I spent this morning mopping half of my basement floor. Oh what a chore that was. I want the kids to be able to play down there so that is what I had to do. There is so much that needs to be done today. I have an appointment at 2 that I have to take the 4 year old with me to. Yippeee.
Last night I went to a poetry reading and it was really good. The guy kept his voice at an even tone but the poems themselves created the pictures in your mind.
I have nothing to wear to my husbands Christmas party. This is rather upsetting to me because I gained weight and this is why I have nothing to wear. I feel like a fat pig and yet the food still finds it way to my mouth.!

Everyday

My 4 year old asks me everyday if it is Christmas. Every night we watch a Christmas cartoon that is on TV.
I remember the year my mom told me that her and Dad were Santa. I won't beleive it. In fact every year after that I tried really hard to prove her wrong. I still beleive in the spirt of Santa. I am not going to tell my kids that Santa isn't real. I'm going to go ahesd and let them beleive for as long as they want. I always tell them that as long as they beleive in Santa then he is real. Yes, my children there really is a Santa Clause.

No one Noticed!!

No one even noticed I spelled girls wrong on my blogger name! Infact I just noticed myself. I have done some 65 blogs and am now just noticeing my mistake. That jsut shows that I hardly proof read. Who has time for that?!

My Husband's Christmas gift

I am giving my husband a gift this year that I don't think even I will ever top. His favorite baseball player is Reggie Jackson, when he played for the Yankees. I bought him a jersey that is an authentic replica and Reggie Jackson has signed it. It has with it a certificate of authenticity too. I bought it for only $95.00! I am so excited I can hardly stop myself from giving him hints about it. I have been saving my money especially for his Christmas gift. He is very hard to buy for. me on the other hand am excited when I get fuzzy warm socks. That is just the way I am I guess. I am making Christmas ordaments for my friends. I know they will like those. Well, have a calm shopping trip for those who go out on the crazy weekends!

This time of year

i will be writing a lot of cute Christmas past and present stuff from now until the hoiliday is over.
One year my two brothers got up at about 3 am and wanted to go down and open presents. I knew that our parents weren't getting up that early so we went down looked in our stockings, looked at the unwrapped presents ( the bid ones were always unwrapped) and I the boys back upstairs to my room. Up there I read them The Night before Christmas, and let them sleep in my bed. They were up again at 5 or 6 ready to wake our parents up! Slowly they got out of bed cuz we couldn't wait any longer.

Seeing Santa

My two youngest girls went to see Santa on Saturday. My 6 year old is pretty shy so she didn't speak unless Santa spoke to her. My 4 year old however, climbed right up on Santa's lap and started a full conversation with him about his reindeer. It was so sweet. She sat there and told him how she had seen him earlier arrive on a trolley near her house and what everyone wanted for Christmas. It was cute. I love this time of year!

Happy Thanksgiving

The family is gathered,the turkey is in the oven. The wind outside is wicked and the large snow flakes are coming down. My husband is at the stove and my bread is baked. The kids are upstairs playing with their cousin. It is a grand day to celebrate Thanksgiving. I an always thankful for my dear, faithful husband. I am thankful for my wild and sweet children, my crazy dog, my loving cats, my dear father-in-law ( even if he does date our sitters). I am thankful that I have the ability to help others and that my family is all well. My friends are dear and doing well also. I am thankful that I am healthy and there are just so many others things that it would take all day to write. I hope that when you resd this you have a family to enjoy and friends to comfort and that comfort you. I hope that even if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving you reflect on the things that y0u are thankful for.

Have you seen me?

I have stopped going to school. the semester is almost over and I have stopped. That means that I will receive a F in these classes and I care but I don't. The college has given me nothing but problems and I am at the end of my rope with my self so I just stopped going. I will regret this later I know. I haven't seen the me that everyone (including myself) likes in about a month. I am calling around for a coulsor today. I don't know how well this will work out but, I might as well go. I don't really have anything to talk about besides what I say here. There isn't much else going on. I can hardly stand myself si maybe I can go and get some insite on what is going on in my head. Good luck to me. Have a Happy Hoilday if you are celebrating one.

I am weak

I have been crying on and off all week. The medication I take is not helping. The stress of school and family have gotten me so far down I can't see the light. I am always doing things for others and normally that makes me happy. When it comes time for me to do something for myself I fail. It doen't matter that I am only 28, I am smart and suppose to be strong and yet I have failed. I am drooping the classes I already have due to stress. It is eating me alive. I feel that I can't do anything right. Everytime I turn around I have done something else wrong. It is getting to the point that I don't even care. I can't even go to counseling because I have noone to watch my 4 year old. I want to throw stuff, I want to throw up, I want to scream and punch something.
My husband is getting mad at me and I am not sure how I feel about it. Numb I think. I do more than my share of crying about life. I did this to myself, i know that. How do I just move on and say oh well, so, I can't do this right now. I just have a hard time accepting that. I fight it until I almost destroy myself. I am so messed up.

Has Christmas become so very important that Thanksgiving just gets in the way? Two days after Halloween some people in the neighborhood put up their Christmas Decorations! Then I went to the mall yesterday and Santa was there! He never used to come until the day after Thankgiving. I remember reading the signs and my kids getting all excited. Walmart has been playing Christmas music since right after Halloween. This is getting out of hand.!! It used to be that the stores would put out some Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving to get people thinking. Then everything would come out right before Thanksgiving so they would be ready for BLACK Friday. This Christmas thing is just so out of hand anymore. I am doing the same thing I always have done. I start bring the stuff out the day after Thanksgiving then the first week of December I put the tree up. What does everyone else think?

A New Hope

Yesterday my dear friend came over. She brought with her a new hope for Nursing. She too wants to become a RN, she too has major road blocks in her way. So she found an LPN program that has a daycare right across the street. We can also get funding for this daycare as long as we are in school. Once we get our LPN then it will be easy to get our Rn and we will also have a working knowledge of what is going on in the work force as a RN. The difference is only one years education. There are a few resticitons on a LPN but, I don't know what they are. I know there isn't as many as there are on a CNA. Anyhow we can do this in one year and we would do this together. Talk about a great support sysytem! Our kids would go to day care together. Her boys are already fighting over who my 4 year olds boyfriend is. They are sweet.
On a side note her 4 year old punched his 3 year old little brother for accidenty hitting my 4 year old!!
Any way this is great news!!!

The 60's

I have heard many people talk bad about the 60's and the Hippies. I got to thinking about it and a lot of good things came from the hippies ideas and values. Just think everytime you walk into a health food store, that is there because the hippies wanted all natural things. Everytime you buy organtic thank a hippie. They were ahead of their time really. They new what was bad for the body and people scaffed at them. They enjoyed life and lived off the land. I know there were other things that they did that can be scaffed at but I was just thinking of the good.

To be or not to be

I often feel guilty about well...everything. When I went to a theraoist some years ago she said that was pretty normal. I was kind of upset with the answer because that didn't help me not feel guilty. I feel like I should do more fun things with my children, that is until I seen my oldest daughter's report card. Now i know I need to spend more time studying with her. Then there is my schooling, the more I see and here about nurseing jobs the more I long to be one. I know that the time just isn't right yet though. I just want to know how to stop having guilt pains. When people I love fail I feel like I have failed them. Whta should have I done differently. Ofcoarse i do have a friend that is a realist and she reminds me that it wasn't I who failed. That helps until my child's next poor grade. Well, maybe I should hire someone to come in and help her. Maybe someone who is in high school. I am going to look into that. Is this what it is to be a parent? Everytime your child succeeds or fails you feel it too. Or maybe that is just loving someone with all you have. The older I get the more I understand my father. He wasn't one to express his feelings well. But I now think that when we failed he felt the blow too and that is why he reacted the way he did. That would explain a small portion of him, anyhow. I guess you don't really know these things until you are a parent yourself.

Don't know

I don't know where to start writing today because so much is going on. I have been getting up at 6:30 in the morning to take my brother to work and I am tired. By the time I get back all the kids are up even the 4 year old. Since I don't want her in my bed until the bugs are gone, I stay up. I have philosophy tonight, that usally puts me into a good mood.
Everyone I know needs a break. None has any money to go anywhere though. On the 19 th I think my friend (with the 5 kids) and I are going to go to light up night. They are going to have spiderman and the green goblin there. I thought our kids would get a kick out of seeing them. The best thing is that it is free. There really is so much more but I don't know how to put it into words. Maybe because it is really not a big deal. It must just be the weather or something.

Everyone's home

Everyone has the day off today so I get to sit back and take a break. Both oldest daughter and Youngest daughter have lice. (booo whooo, booo whooo). we have all the sprays, shampoos and gels. We are going to turn this house inside out today. Stuffed animals are going into plastic bags for 2 weeks and Everything else shall be sprayed, washed, or vacuumed. Just thinking about it makes me tired. But this will not invade my house again!!! If I have to not let the kids go to their friends houses, then that is what will have to be done. No, more I tell you. I hate bugs!! ( Well, not lady bugs, we have those in our house too.)

Again!?

Here we go again. My youngest daughter now has lice! I don't know where she could have gotten it form. Now I feel dirty! My house is so clean too. My washer is broke so I have to take everything to the laundrymatt. Then the youngest says she crawled into the oldest bed last night after we told her not too. If she has to miss another two weeks of school they are getting their heads shaved! Ha, lets see those little buggers live in there! I am so very upset. I have already missed way too much school and if I miss another i have to do a medical drop or take an F. Why me? I know it could be worse. It could be life threating, this is just annoying. It had to come when the washer was broke didn't it. Oh, well. I am off to a shower and then the laundrymatt.

5 years today

This is the color of happiness for me. I love this color so very much. Anyway enough on the color. 5 years ago today I married my best friend. I am just as much in love with him today as I was that warm fall day 5 years ago. Infact my wedding day looks just like it does outside now. The sun was shinning the leaves were red and gold and orange. The sky was blue. Atleast I think it was blue. If not it was for me. I am feeling much better today and can't wait to go out tomarrow night! We cannot go out tonight because all the good stuff happens on Saturdays. That is fine though we will have fun. I really love my husband and the life we share together.

Gone insane got no brain

No comments please on this blog. I just want to rattle off what is on my mind.
So I am going to add two more members to the 7 people that already live in my house. It is a big house but in is getting small all of a sudden. My brother and his daughter haven't even moved in yet and I am worried how everything is going to work out. My youngest brother needs a place to start over again and my husband and I are opening up our home to them. The thing is that my brother can be a user when it comes to watching his child if he wants to. Although there are a lot of things that are different here than where he is now so maybe things will work out. I am afraid that my neice will miss where she lives and not like it here. I am afraid that there will be more conflict then I can handle. Mind you I am still going to school until winter break. You know what it is? I am sick and my head is clogged making me worry about stuff that may never happen or might not be that big of a deal.

Crazy

I am still sick but I am mad so I had to write.
I got a call this morning from my psyco X- sitters "friend". She wanted to know why I haven't called my x-sitter. I told her not to call me and hung up. Then she calls me right back and leaves a message. I know u are there bitch so pick up the phone before I come down and kick your ass.
Maybe it is just me but if you want someone to talk to you would you act like that? Now my x-sitter is in her 30's and I am in my late 20's, is this what grown women do? Threated to kick the pthers ass for not talking to them? I'm not afraid, however. In fact there is little that I am afraid of but couldn't we be adults about this? I am getting my number to my cell changed and if have to my home phone too. I saved the messages in case we have to go to court. Why did they have to pick a day when I have a bad cold and can barley speak?

My sinuses hurt really bad . I won't write again until my head has unclogged.

Happy Halloween!

This is a great color to write todays blog in. Sham on me I have been so busy that I haven't been keeping up on my blog reading. Sorry.
I had to email my proffesor to let her know I would not be in class tonight. I am going to take my kids trick or treating no matter what. I think I only have missed one year out of 10 and that was because I absoultly had to work. I really enjoy taking the kids out it brings back fond memories of my mom taking us out everyear. I am glad when it is over and close to the end of trick or treat my kids a tuckered out anyhow. Every year they say can we go home now. I expect this will be the last year my 2 older ones say that. I have a cold so I may be saying that after the first hour. I have to finish my daughter's cape. I was not paying 25.00 for a cape when I could make a really nice one for 3.00. So I must go do that. BE SAFE tonight.

Well, I must say the first comment on my last post just made my day! I don't even know who that person is. It is another grey day here in Pa. Sunshine, I need sunshine.
I am still going to put off my nursing. I still have sitter issuses. In fact I have to miss school on Halloween because I can't get a sitter. My espanol teacher better understand!
I am so busy with the kids these next two weeks. Tonight we have to go get my son's darth vader costume and then on Sat. there is a parade. I have to work during the parade unfortunatly, Sunday I work and I think there is something going on. Monday I am watching my friends kid because she doesn't have school and my kids each have a halloween party, Monday night is trick or treat. Then next weekend oh i don't want to think about it right now. Both the older girls have girlscout stuff going on. Today I am getting my hair colored. I am going light brown with light blond steaks. Ph, I hope it turns out. I am off for my shower and then my day must begin!

The state of being happy

So I spoke with my professsor last night so I could understand about being in the state of happiness. To reach this state you have to have acheived your goal in life and enjoy what you have choosen. So I won't be in the state of happiness until i am a nurse. It is hard to explain it took a whole half an hour for it to be explained to me. So now what shall I do? Shall I continue the fight to be a nurse? Shall I just wait til my youngest goes to kindergarden next year and then continue? I don't have any of those answers right now. I think I will just make it through this semester and then see. I hate waiting though. I want answrs like this yesterday!

More about happiness

Now I will give my opinion about the state of being happy.
Actually I have a few more questions about it. If one is in a happy state does that mean they never have a bad day? Does everything always come up roses? I for one would like to think that I am in a happy state of being because I have a great marriage and so on and so forth. However, the depression demond rears its ugly head every now and then. I also have bad, whacked out days. So what state am I in? Oh, the questions. Tomorrow, I may do my blog in Spanish for the practice. Don't worry I will translate.

More on Happiness

In psycology we learned that in order to be happy you neede to have five things first.

1. Need to be safe
2. Need food
3. Need shelter
4. Need love
5. Need sex ( this one is always disputed)

Only after we have these things can we begin our journey to seek happiness. Hey am am just going by what the "great minds" have said. I agree with everything but #5. That I am not so sure about.

Happiness is...

Hola, me amigas. What I am about to write is what Aristotile said about hapiness. Tell me what you think.

He said you need the following things to acheive the state of happiness:

• a little money
• good friends
• good health
• love ( true love not the using of the other person)
• moral uprightness
• A steady state of mind, doing good things all the time
• good Mental health

Is there anything that you think should be added or deleted?

This is why I'm Busybusybusy

As if I didn't have enough of my own work to do, I have to come up with a brillant idea for my oldest science project. It is due tomarrow. She need a maginifying lense on a sturdy base. I have to finish my philosophy paper on Russell( 3 pgs) by Wend., I need to go into the office for work to sign some papers. The girls want to sign up for free tennis lessons, thats great depending on the where and when. This is why I can't go into nursing school right now. When you get in, you have to go full time, it is all or nothing. I have to choose nothing because I would go nuts. There is just too much to do now. I guess I am really trying to remind myself why I can't go now. I know I would be a great nurse because I take my job and the wealfare of others so seriously. I am just going to have to be a good aide for now. I really must go. We still have to do this science project.

This is the 2nd week my daughter has been home from school. We keep finding one more nit everyday. It is driving both her and I nuts. Then there is the 4 yr. old that loves to scream at the top of her lungs about everything. The puppy isn't helping much either. I love being at home with them, but I need a break, besides school and work. I need to get out. Go somewhere relaxing, where I can unwind.
I know I bombed my Spanish test, having the little boys death on my mind didn't help. I was so concerned with how to say the words that I forgot what they meant. I didn't even need to know how to say them, why did I worry about that. oh, hum. I hope things are going weel for everyone else.

How I want to be remembered

I want to be remembered for helping others improve their quality of living. I would like to be remember as a giving, careing person. Since my Husaband insists I am to be buried( and not creamated), I want to be buried in my Pj's. Why not? No makeup, but please color my hair if it needs it. If you buy flowers for the funeral, please make them fake. That way they will last forever. Play some soft music in the backgroud because it is soothing to others. I think those are my only requests. I want to write it down now because you never know when my time will be up. Make your wishes known to your loved ones too. It will help ease the burden.

To A SWEET LITTLE BOY

Bring out your tissues.
I just got the call that the sweet little boy that I took care of a few years back died on Sat. morning. He had a grand mal seizure and passed in his sleep. He was just turning 9 this month, as old as my son. He was Austistic and had white blonde hair. He was so active and loveable. I will never forget that although he really cpuld not speak he could say my name and Hi. That was really it. he amazed me often and I loved watching him. His parents amazed me with their calmness and love for all of their kids. They always found ways for this little boy to have a good time. I am crying as I type so there will be a lot of errors. He will be greatly missed.

And Now...

And now I have a child running a fever. I have 3 of the 4 children home today! Therefore,this post is super short.

Putting A Chapter of My Life Off

This post will come to a shock to my family for I haven't said anything yet. In fact I came to this conclusion last night. After this semester I will stop going to school, at least for a while. I do not put in enough study time because I would rather be involved with my family. Nursing school is just going to have to wait. The kids and my husband need me more then we need the money. I can always go back. The stress of school and home and the guilt felt for not helping or doing things with the family is getting to me. It has been for sometime. I still haven't heard anything about my appeal and even though I am putting off school, they better not suspend me! That I will still fight because that is the right thing to do. I know many will be disappointed but they haven't walked a mile in my shoes. This is the right thing to do, I know it in my heart.

Fall

Fall and I have a love/hate relationship. I love the leaves turning and the slightly cooler air. I hate that my allergies act up really bad and that it rains more. Now the air is suppose to be a little cooler and I am frio already! I also hate that even colder weather is on its way. Winter and I have this same realationship.
The Lice situation is still confined to one person! Whew!

The joy of it all

Oh the joy of having kids and a puppy! I have had it with bugs! My oldest has lice and the puppy ofcourse has fleas. On top of the fleas he also has a skin condition and won't stop scratching. His fur is coming off in spots. I have spent quite a bit of money on the two of them! I give the dog weekly baths with special shampoo and then apply ati-itch stuff. Anyone who has ever had a child with long, thick hair knows the fun I am having with the lice! I have sprayed and washed everything, twice! Only one child has it luckily so it could be worse. However, I am so parinoid about me getting it that my whole body is itchy and wasn't before I found the lice. Have a good day.

Friday cont...

This might as well be Friday still as far as that psycho is concerned. She has called here every day this weekend and then again this morning at 8:20. The courts and such are closed today so tomorrow I will go down and file a harassment paper. I have had enough!!!
The meeting with the school went better than I thought it would. Ofcoarse I was very prepared and had two sheets of paper that gave ideas on things that will help ADHD kids in school. So I may have just helped other kids too! I fight hard for my kids and will never give up. Even if that means one day pulling them out of school and teaching at home. They mean more to me than any job or schooling that I maybe doing at the time. In 15 years or so I can resume my life but they can never get back these years of theirs. I am doing my best to keep the balance between my life and theirs. It has never been close to easy. I get very upset sometimes because I cannot keep the balance, but it tends to pass. I hope this finds everyone well. Hasta Manana

She just can't leave us alone...

I am so ready to change my phone number! That ex-sitter of mine is still calling me. Why can't she get it through her fat head that I DO NOT WANT TO SPEAK WITH HER! Her and my father-in-law tried to mess with my nursing career, I don't forgive easily for messing with my family. Worse yet these are his grandchildren, why date the sitter if you know there is a possility that she will quite because of the relationship. It would be different if this was the first time but it is not.
The party last night didn't help my mood much. I guess that was really because of the wench calling this morning. I have a meeting at my son's school. I always dread those meetings, the school can be such bullies if you are not prepared. I am ready though, I have been since the first day. I feel I know enough about ADHD to get my son some real help.

All in a days work

I spent yesterday cleaning two of our carpets and the couch and loveseat. OMG what a job. I will spare you how dirty they all were. Tonight I am having a candel party. I don't expect people to order much but that is ok. I just like it to have all my friends in one place. I have still been in a funk. Haven't gone to school all week because I just can't bring my self to. I have been studing hard for my first espanol test. I am hopeing for an A but a B will do.
Today I am going to dust and that is about all. Hopefully miss grump will take a nap.
Hasta pronto ( see you soon).

I shouldn't be laughing

This is sort of funny, so feel free to laugh.
Last night I was having a dream that I was spending the night at my mom's house. I was sleeping in the livingroom when my oldest brother walked in at 2 am. He turned on a bunch of lights and was talking loudly with his friends. This sent me over the edge for I was sick of him having no respect for anyone. My husband who was sleeping in the chair next to me said I should go confront him and get it over with. So I go in to him and his friends and start talking with my brother. Then one of his friends starts to get smart. I think I am going to beat this guy. I turn and it is just a kid about ten. Oh hell, I can't beat up a little kid so I bite him instead. Here is the funny part.... I wake up to my four year old sniffling ,she was sleeping next to me in real life. I ask her what is wrong. " Mom, you bit me!" she says. I really did, instead of biting the kid in my dream I had really bit her! I do feel bad, but still laughing.

The Funk

I was so upset over things last night that I didn't go to school. On top of everything My husbands ex-wife is getting all nasty over nothing. This seems to be her trend. My poor husband is accused of not knowing what it is like to have to raise one child. She is right he only knows what it is like to raise 4. I am in a funk and wish there was ssomething that could bring me out of it.
I had such a great time for my birthday. My husband and I went to W. V. and played the slots. Then we went to a bar and then we just sat out side and watched the stars. We didn't return til' 2 Am and I felt human again. I guess the funk is because people just can't leave a good thing a lone. Well, I will just concentrate on the good friends and good family I have.

The stress of it all

My internet has been down since my last post. Thankfully the man came to fix it today.
So since I last wrote my two oldest went to their father's house with their bikes and someone broke into his house and stole the bikes. My father-in-law who has been dating my babysitter wouldn't take her out to dinner the other night so she calls me up and flips out on me. I don't want to speak to either one of them for a very long time. Lucky she was only an emergency sitter. I still haven't heard anything about my appeal, I want to take the enterce exam for nursing in late Nov. I have to go estudio for my espanol quiz. Later.

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my 28th birthday. I stopped celebrating that I was a year older at 24, now I celebrate my life. I feel bad for those who stop celebrating their birthdays all toghther. They should celebrate the fact that they are still a live or have lived a good life. We spend all year celebrating for others, our birthday is the one day we get to celebrate the fact that we are here. I don't care that I haven't accomplished everything that I have set out to do. There are so many other thins I have done that I never dreamed of. Four children happen to be one of those. I must pat myself on the back because I have done a pretty good job with them ( they are all still alive. hehehe). Well, I must be off, I have to clean, even on my birthday. Dirt has no respect.

Another Random Day

There is nothing new on the school front. My appeal was sent yessterday so now I have to play the wait game. I do however, think I got atleast a 95% if not a 100% on my Spanish Quiz. I am not sure if I spelled caturo ( 14 ) right. I did learn yesterday why the Mexicans will risk their lives to get into our country. In Mexico they only make 25 cents a day picking grapes. No wonder they are willing to come here and be paid whatever is offered. It is still more than what is made in their country. I don't really think that the Mexicans being in the states illegally is really hurting anything. I sure don't want to go pick grapes or landscape for pennies on the dollar. Infact I won't do it for $8.00 an hour. I don't know anyone who does either. Yes, if they want to be here they should learn to speak ingales ( English). Oh, well just a bunch of bull for today. One last question WHEN DO PUPPIES LEARN THEY HAVE TO POOP OUTSIDE!!

Frustration

I don't usally grip too much, but I have to get this off my chest.
Of All the things that could try to hold me back from becoming a Nurse it is the collge it self trying. Now why would they do that? My account is paid. From the first time I registered they have screwed around with me. The very first semester I was deregistered for no reason. When I went to compain to a Dean I got a huge run around. Now they are trying to suspend me for poor grades. They are trying to say that I have a 1.50 QPA or lower. Last semester I had a 2.25 and I have never had a 1.5 or lower. Now I have to appeal. The comittee doesn't meet until a week before the next semester starts. How am I suppose to register for classes and get fincial aide? Why me? What did I do? All I want is to help people get well again, comfort those who are sick or injured. Is this another test? I don't know how much more I can take.

Random stuff

Just a bunch of random stuff today. My Fall allergies are bothering me. I went back to work today. I am trying to earn some extra money for Christmas. It is only two days a week 4 hours a day. I really didn't like what I was doing today. I sat there staring out the window the whole time! No wonder I gained so much weight when I was working.
My 4 year old told me yesterday to get my butt downstairs. We had a nice little talk about not saying that to mommy.
There were some nice stories about why people got married. I asked my husband why he agreed to marry me instead of us just liveing toghther. He said because I didn't want to loose you. I said you thought I was going somewhere if we didn't get married. He said I didn't want to take the chance. I thought that was cute.

How did you know?

I had Philosophy again last night and we talked about the things that we can not see but know exist. One of those things was love. So my question for the day is. If you have found the "one" how did you know that this person was the "one". Also if you got married, why? Why didn't you just live together.
I know that I found "the one" the moment I set eyes on my (now ) husband. The little voice in my head said that he was it. I had never before felt this way instantly and the more we got to know each other the more I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. Other times I had to convience my self that I was in love,I guess because I didn't know what it really was. After one month of dateing my now husband I asked him to marry me. I thought his family was going to faint. He said "yes", for he too knew that I was the "one". However, for many months after I thought about the reason we were going to get married. We didn't have to get married we could just live toghther forever. Then one day the reason came to me. It was because I wanted the whole world to know that I was his and he was mine. That our love was everlasting. I would have never gotten married if I wasn't positive that this was an everlasting love because then there would not have been any point. That is just my story, however. I want to know others. I promise no judgeing.

Feeling Much Better

I feel so much better today. All the kids will be happy because things will be back to "normal". I figure that normal must mean average. That is the only explaination I can come up with for it.
Anyhow, before I was sick I weighed my self and I have lost 5 pounds! That excites me! If I can lose 5 than I can lose 5 more. I have switched to no fat milk, which they have really improved the taste over the years, if I want chocolate than I eat no fat pudding. I no longer eat chips , but I still drink an awful lot of pop or soda whatever u want to call it. I have really only added 10 mins. of exercise to my days. So I like this 5 pounds at a time. Not too much work but still looseing wieght. SInce I was sick sick I probley lost 2 more pounds. The mirror says be excited about that. The clothing says don't go buy new clothing yet. I hope this finds everyone cheery.

Not feeling Well

This is a very short post. I'm not feeling well so I am not going to write a good post til' I feel better. May this find everyone else well.

What was taught

This is stuff I already knew, as most of us do, but we just don't practice.
Our body is only owned by us and it is our natural right to do what we want with it. Now as we each look at ourselves we are saying ofcoarse. What we forget is that it is other people's right to do what they want to their own body also. Our teacher said that what we have to have to learn is tolerence for what others do and think. How many times have I looked at someone full of tatoos and judged them. Even though I try to live by , if it doesn't directly effect me or my family I don't let it bother me. There are somethings though that I pre-judge and unfortunatly that makes me the person I try so hard not to be. Does this make any sense to anyone? I know I didn't put a lot of detail in, I did something to my arm and it hurts to type.

2nd class of philosophy

Well, the teacher showed up. For the first hour I was going "Oh, my god he is crazy". He was running( literally) around the class room, everytime he said "baby" (meaning infant) he laid on the floor and kicked his legs. He talks so quickly and is very hard to understand, sometimes it takes me a few sentences to relize what he said. Other than that it was a very good, thought provoking class. We talked about why the Swiss are doing away with marriage ( that is another post, for another day) and why the Americans hate other countries and why they hate us. It was really good. I'd like to go into more detail but I just can't today. I have so much to do.

Oh My, HOW COULD THEY!!

I wish I had a FIRE RED font because that is how I feel about the follwing subjects.
I seen yesterday on the news where an Ohio couple put their adoptive kids and foster kids in cages at night with no pillows or blankets. The ages ranged from 1-14! The couple claims that the pshcologist told them to do that becuase of the various mental disablities the children had. One of those disablities was Autism. Now I used to work with a sweet little boy who was serverly Austic. His parents would put him in his room at night close the door and let him play with his pillows until he fell a sleep. What the HELL is wrong with these people who put their kids in CAGES! These cages, according to the news were only 3 feet high! That is about the size of my puppy's cage!
Then there is the people in New Orleans that left the Nursing Home patinets to drown. I used to work in a Nursing Home and if I left anyone to drown I could not have lived with my self. How scared those people must have been when water came rushing in. It makes me sick.

Nothing really matters

I have been thinking since last night about what I was going to post. I couldn't sleep and so at 3am I came up with something then finally fell a sleep. Got up this morning and read some blogs and began to think. All the troubles we have, all the worries, all the minor aches and pains... It really doesn't amount to " a hill of beans". What does matter is that last night (or this morning rather) I fell a sleep next to my husband. My children were safe in their own beds. I talked for an hour with my grandma earlier and she is doing well. From what I hear, my great grandma is doing well also. I have food in my house, clothing on my body and so does my children. We have safe drinking water, a safe place for the kids to play, and I know where all my loved ones are before I go to sleep. Everything eles is just minor. One day we will be thankful that we had the $34 to get rid of the shingles, to have a son that greys our hair, to have a shoulder to have pain in and to have a bed to fall a sleep in at 3 am.

It is better to give...

My husband says that I give too much to people and don't get back enough. The thing is that I don't want anything back but a "thank you". I am always rushing to the aid of someone, whether it be human or animal. It gives a great feeling of accomplishment. For example, last week I was out and I happened to remember that my friend is always running out of pull ups this time each week. She cannot get to the store until her husband comes home, which can be late. So I picked her up some. This week she was out of toothpaste and we had extra so I took her up some of that too. Now you have to understand she has hardly any money so I do what I can to help. I give people I know rides when they need them or offer to mow our elderly neighbors lawn. I don't have much extra time but I do what I can for who I can. Is that so bad to just want a "thank you".

GRRRR!

I could not find a good color for the way I feel today. I went to class last night and the teacher never showed. Everyone that is taking the class showed, but not the teacher. I hear that he is famous for this. I sure wish I had a job where I could show anytime I wanted. People pay good money for this class and transportaion to the class. Some of them pay a sitter too. Now come on the main person sure could show some respect for the rest of us and show.

Today

Another nice pre-fall day here. Tonight is my first philosophy class. I am excited! I really don't know what to expect. How do you study philosophy? Do you study the great thinkers or do u learn how to become a thinker yourself? My psch. teacher told us that the meaning of life is time. Now what does that mean?
I forgot to mention that we learned some interesting things at the block party. This babysitter that we had fired, well one day when the phone guy came to fix the phone, she was on the porch rail dancing for him! The things that go on when one's not home.

Eventful Weekend

Sunday night there was a block party held in our "mean neighbors" back yard and surrounding areas. The reason it was held there was because they had gone camping for the weekend. Many of our neighbors said that if the "mean neighbors" had of been home then they would not have come. My husband and I fully agreed. I guess the reason the party is held on Labor Day weekend is because everyone knows they won't be home. We had a very nice time and so did our kids. My 4 year old and her two little friends got out a plastic pool and one of her friends hooked up the hose. Next thing everyone knows the 3 of them are sitting in the pool with their clothing on and one of them put bubbles in. It was so cute I ran home and grabbed my camera. If I can figure out how to put in on here I will. We roasted marshmellows later on. That was great fun for the kids who had never done that before.
Late Monday afternoon the "mean Neighbors" came home. We had friends over and their daughter was playing outside with my kids. Next thing we hear is the mother yelling at the top of her lungs! She is yelling at the my kids and my friends daughter. My girls being crying and other neighbors rushed to my house because their kids were here too. My husband and my friends husband come out. They get the story of what happened from one of the other kids that were here. The kids next door threw rocks at the girls, so the girls threw mulch at them. Well, one of the rocks hit my friends daughter right above the eye. You could still see the red mark. My friends husband goes over next door and starts pounding on the door. "Hey, come out here! What do you think your doing yelling at these kids like that!" Would you beleive no one came to the door. He says don't worry "neighbors from hell" I have my whole life to wait for you.
Now this is one dude you don't piss off. I don't think the "neighbors from hell" will be bothering my kids any more. Not for awhile any how.

Sept. 2nd

Another nice day here. The other day I took my puppy "Eddie" for his first real walk. We walked past this dog that was much bigger than he is. The dog started to bark at him and Eddie ran and hide under someone's car. I had to get down on my hands and knees in the road and pull him out. I thought that being sunny out eddie would go poop outside. Oh, no when he has to go he runs down to the basement to do his business. Better down there than up here I guess.
When I wrote yesterday gas was at $2.99. When I went out last night it was between $3.09 and $3.19 a gallon. Another group of people I feel sorry for are the pizza delivery drivers. They make minimum wage plus .60 a delivery. Then what ever they make in tips. Beleive me they do not make a lot. Well, I hope this entry finds everyone else well.

Sunshine

It has finally stopped raining! My zuccinnie plant will stop turning the green vegatables yellow and the dog will stay out long enough to go poop! Can't think of a better reason then that to love the sunshine. Even though we didn't get any flooding we sure are feeling the effects. Gas is up to $2.99 ( u.s money). Where as yesterday it was $2.59. I knew I should have gotten gas yesterday. Some places have run out of gas. In Ohio the tractor trailers can not fill up on disel, there just isn't enough. I really feel for the farmers. Here it is harvest time and they can't get enough gas to bring in the crops. If I had enough land I think I'd buy a horse, it would be cheaper.

Rock in the Rain

Even though it was raining my husband and I still went to see the Crue. They were about an hour late getting on stage. My husband and I were some of the smart ones wearing ponchos but ofcoarse there were the stupid ones that got all dressed up, hair and make up done, by the 1st song they looked like drowned rats. We had seats atleast, there were 100's that had to sit in the mud on the lawn. It was worth every misrealble moment of waiting to see them. The Crue kicked ass! There were people who brought their kids who were under 12. I'm sure they were sorry they had. On stage was a fire breathing midget, half naked (topless) women. Ofcoarse Tommy Lee had to see some Titties so he grabbed their video camera so Everyone could see too. No naked band memebers this trip. Although Tommy said he needed to cover his dick after he was done flying from the rafters to his different drum sets. It was a kick ass night. At the end when we were getting ready to leave the way we had walked in was a 3 foot river so we had to take the long way around but that was ok too. It was great I am so glad they are back together. They look the same as they did when I was 13 ( that is really saying something). I will be going again next time they even come close to our area!

Rain, rain...

It is raining again today. It is only suppose to get worse too. Tonight we are suppose to get what is left of Katrina ( the hurricane that hit Lousianna ). It was almost this time last year when Ivan flooded this small town and many others. Being this far North one wouldn't think hurricans would bother us, but, we get the end of them. Sometimes they can devastate this area, as in the case of Ivan. It hasn't rained as much this year so the news is saying the ground can handle it. I am going to just watch the creeks anyhow. I think it depends on how much rain how quickly we get it. Well, All I can do is hope for the best. I am also suppose to go to an out door concert tonight to see Montley Crue. Gee, that will be fun in the rain.

First Day

Today was the kids' first day back to school. It went pretty smooth. My First grader cried because she always does when she is going somewhere new. My 5th grader was excited and my son, who is in 4th, could have cared less.
I start back to college next week. After having a month off I am ready to get back into the swing of things. If you see me write some Spanish words in here it will be because I am practicing. I take Spanish and philosophy this term. It will prove to be interesting.

Other Blogs

I was searching through blogs yesterday and I came across a very sad one. There was a very depressed younge man from Canada who felt all alone in the word. He thought about suicide on a daily basis and even had a plan on how to go through with it. He admitted that he needed help but just could not ask for it. It made me sad. I know many people who were once like that and wonder how many more are out there that need help. I think that it is harder to say "help me" than it is to say "I Love You". I know it is hard to ask for help but I also wonder why it is so hard?

School Days

It is a late entry today because I had to finish school shopping for the kids. They go back on Monday. I have 3 girls that want everything in fashion. Mainly the stuff that looks like adult club clothing shrunk. My oldest wear a size 8 shoe in Womens. Therefore, she keeps picking out 3inch heels. We have the same fight every year. I always compromise and get her an 1" high. I figure that isn't too bad. My four year old is outside yelling right now that the neighbor kid ( who is 6 ) is not her boyfriend. I keep telling her that she does't need one but she thinks different. My six year old always wants the shortest skirts she can find. Why? Is it because the Stars wear it or do u think that it is bread in us that we need to look sexy? I know I drove my mother nuts the same way. Only I think I waited till I was about 12 to do so. Mine start as soon as we start asking what they would like to wear. Boys on the other hand take about 5 mins. to pick out the stuff they want and there is no fighting! I love taking him. Only he hates going!

Today

I thought I'd write in this color green because that is how I feel today. I have such a bad headache. I am feeling bad about not feeling well because it is a great day outside. I love the outdoors. My favorite thing to do is garden and play ball with the kids. All I feel like doing today is crawling back under the covers and sleeping away my headache.

Cute things kids Say

I have a lot of cute things that happened over the weekend to write about. Then I thought I'd like to hear about the cutest thing your children have ever said. Besides the first time your child said "mama" or "dada".

The Suds

I don't know if any of you have seen the cartoon Sponge Bob. He is a Sponge that lives under the sea. Anyhow there is an episode where Sponge Bob gets sick and is sneezing. When he sneezes he blows out bubbles all over. Sponge Bob calls this sickness "The Suds". So my 4 year old gets up the other morning and says " Mom I have the suds" and proceeds to sneeze. It was so cute she was so serious. Even though bubbles didn't go everywhere ( thank goodness), she had the suds.

Did You Know

I thought I would end the week on a happy note. So here is some things that you may not have known.

1. When you have a sore throat do not eat stuff with a lot of salt. The strep bacteria loves salt and it will grow faster.

2. 86% of women in the United States Voted in the last Pres. Election. Only 65% of Americans Voted over All.

3. Sitting too close to the TV will not ruin your eyesite (don't tell my kids).

4. Blue eyes is a Gentic Mutation.

5. Lice likes clean hair and won't go into dirty hair.

6. 32% of American Women call their mothers atleast once a day ( Not me, sorry mom).

7. Having sex with your husband can increase your life span.

8. Your nails are actually dead. The part that is alive is underneath your skin.

That is all I have time for hope you enjoyed and have a great weekend.

Children

I have a friend who just had her 5th child. An absoultly perfect little girl. Everything is in perfect perportion. My friend asked me, as I was holding this angel, if I would ever have another. I looked down at the angel in my arms, smiled and said "no way". My 4 are enough! Then don't forget I have a stepson also. Having a stepson you have to work twice as hard because first you have to get him to like you. Where as your kids are born liking you. So it is almost like having six kids some days. That and my son with ADHD is like having a little kid when he hasn't taken his meds. So I am always having a grand ol' time. I don't need anymore.

September

Today I would like to post the question what does September mean to you?

September has always been mgical to me because it is a month filled with birthdays including mine. The leaves begin to turn their pretty fall colors and mother nature keeps the temp. reasonable. Also my favorite fruit, the apple is in harvest. YUMM!

Creativeness

I don't think it is antidepressants that suck then creativeness out of some people. I think it is kids. I sit down and try to write and I hear a scream and "MoM!". Then the running footsteps of the masses and the "he hit me" or "he is going to hit me"! Then I have lost total train of thought. When I was working outside the house I felt very creative. Now that I am home with the kids all day I feel they have sucked it out of me. I can't wait for them to return to school.

Animals

I have some good animal stories today. I was sweeping and mopping the kitchen and the puppy was watching go back and forth with the mop and broom. He must have decided they were a threat because he was barking up a storm at them. If they came near him he backed away. Because the floor was wet he would slip and slide way back. He did this through the who;e floor mopping. Later the cat that has adopted us jumped up on the bed where I was reading. I was rubbing her head for awhile and then i stopped. She bit me hard for stopping! Can you beleive that. I swear animals are closer to being human than the "experts" will admitt.

ADHD

I know that ADHD is a Real problem. My son oh so definatly has it. I also agree that it is over diagnosed. In fact my step-son has just been told he has ADHD. He oh so definatly does not have it. His mom does not want to hear that the doctor could very well be wrong and needs a sencond opion. For anyone who does not know what ADHD is it stands for Attention Deficite Hyperactive Disorder. Now there is a difference between ADHD and ADD. To make a long definition short ADD does not include hyperactivatey. Anyway back to my step-son... So anyhow the boy gets straight A's in a Catholic School. He has been repremanded for "goofing" off in school. So his mom says oh he must have ADHD and she found a doctor to agree with her! It upsets me to see him have to be labled with something he doesn't have and to see his mom pass the buck on parenting. I wish there was something I could do about it but she has refused to be educate further about the subject.

RSVP

When people give parties there is alomoat always a RSVP on the invite. Now I always RSVP because I know that the host needs to know how many people are coming. Yet when I put RSVP on invitations I am lucky if two people call. Yet a bunch of people who didn't call will show. I have spoken to other people who have the same thing happen. Why is it people won't call to let the host know they are coming?

bees and feet

Bees and feet don't mix as it is. Who would have thought that the bee stings would cause a skin infection. My foot is swollen and itchy and driving me nuts! It is so hard to chase the little ones and the puppy. My pinky toe is the only one that can touch the floor! Atleast some of the swelling has gone down today. I would rather it stopped itching though.