St. Thomas Pics. III

The top pic. is one of the HUGE cruise liners that stopped in St. Thomas.

More St. Thomas

The swim meet

I know I promised pics. everyday, but the kids have projects to do for school so the computer has been tied up at home.
I thought that I would tell you about the swim meet last Sat.
My son is on the swim team, this is his first year. This was his first swim meet. We drove about 30 miles at 6:30 am to get to this place. Warm ups were at 7:30am and then he sat around and waited for about an hour before he was up. I didn't know that I was suppose to pick his events ahead of time so the coaches picked them for him. He had his worst two events. Freestyle back stroke was first. He was timed the Friday before at 2.40 mins. My son says to me , Mom, what if people make fun of me because I come in last?' I said "Honey, someone has to come in last. I'll Be proud if you try real hard and still come in last." That seemed ok with him. He was up, my knees start knocking, he did real well even though he came in last, he shaved over 1 min. off his time! I was proud. Now we wait about two hours before he is up again. Freestyle front stroke. At the start he enters the water wrong, there go the goggles down around his neck. OOOH, I say to my self there goes the whole race. But, no, not my boy he just keeps going. Although he lost again, he shaved over 25 secs. off his orginal time. I was yelling "keep going Bud, you are going to still beat your time" and by the end of the race everyone in the stands was cheering for him. I almost cried when he finished. He comes up in the bleechers and says "Everyone was cheering for me. Why they don't even know me". I told him that everyone was proud because he kept going even with his goggles off and he beamed. It was a really great day for the two of us.

St. Thomas

Away for a awhile

I will be away for a bit on vaction/delayed honeymoon. I hope to post pics when I come back. See you all soon! Take care.

Depression swept away

My depression ha been sewpt away by all good things that has come my way. We bailed my doggie out of jail with no extra fines. I passed my nursing boards! My husband and I are going on vacation in 2 days!! The kids are doing well and I have pushed the nasty C word to the back of my mind until til my next dr's appt.
When I return I will be as busy as ever but, suddenly that doesn't bother me like it did just days before. suddenly all bad stuff seems so small.
My husband asked me if I wanted to go for my RN now. I told him not any time soon!! I don't want another year of that kind of stress for quite a while. I want everyone to relax, play sports and just have fun being a kid. We all need a break from nursing school. If I don't ever get my RN no big deal. I made it this far and that is good enough for me.

To no one really

My depression has set in full force. I can hardly move today, it has been getting worse by leaps and bounds every day and I have tried to ignore it. Today was just the straw that broke the camels back. This morning it was cold and I didn' t want to go out to hook the dog up. I thought that because it was cold he would come right back in. No, not this morning he took off and it is hard to find a black dog in the dark. I had to leave for my exam earlier than usual so I couldn't spend much time looking for him any way. So the pound picked him up. The only reasaon we know this is because some nice lady called to let us know. She would have had to get a hold of his collar some how,who knows. We didn't get the message until after we got home from work @ 4. The lady who called didn't return our call until 4:30 and then my husband called the pound to let them know we were on our way. By the time he got there, no one was there. So now my poor (bad) dog has to spend the night in doggie jail. I don't know what their hours are but I do know that he has to get out tomarrow. Guess who has to work. Guess who has to take more time out of work to get her dog out of jail. I have taken so much time out of work, if it was anyother job they would have fired me. I know why moms with more than one child stay home. They have to,for more reasons then what I can list on here. I just may take my nursing degree and sit on it. I probely failed the exam anyhow. One step ahead and ten back.

My Mom

My mom and I haven't always seen eye to eye. I have let her down, embarassed her, pissed her off andworried her to peices. I've made her cry and wonder what she did wrong ( i'm sure).
Yet, my mom has always been there for me when the chips were down and she gave me a good shove when I really needed it. My mom tought me to rely on my self and how to be strong. My mom has always been my cheerleader even if she wasn't in sight. I never give my mom enough creidt. She has been a great mom and I love her dearly. I am proud that she is my mom. She is so creative and great with words. She has a good heart but when she is mad at you look out! I miss her even though she is only a call away. I hope that I can be half the person that she is.

Poll closed moving on

My state test is coming up so I will be too busy studying to write. Stay warm everyone!!!

Check it out

Check out my poll below!!!

Too Busy

I am just too busy to keep up on everything. I have been studying for my boards, taking kids to basketball practice, swim practice,school dances and so on. I turned 30, I can say that now without feeling sick. I'm trying to start a new business and still working at my reg. job. Really, I am having a good time. I enjoy staying busy, it keeps my mind from wandering away. In Nov. my husband and I are getting away for a few days. We are going to the Virgin Islands! I am so excited. I have no idea what to expect!! I know we are going to try to go scuba diving. I hope I get over the fact I hate water that is over my head. Don't get me wrong I can swim, I just don't like water over my head. Well, I hope that I can fill everyone in more later. TTFN!

The what if game

Today I am playing the what if game with myself, I know it is a bad game. Sometimes I wish I could peak into the future so I know the consequences of my actions before I do them. I am afraid of what I have done will come back and haunt me in the form of my teenage daughter.
What if I made all the wrong decisions and they don't show up until it is too late. What if she makes all the same misatakes I did. All I can do is hope that I raised her well and the mistakes I made won't be hers too.

not ready

I don't think I am ever going to ready to take this state nursing exam. I still don't feel that I know enough. I don't use MOST of it working so I am not in constant practice and the simple things that I should be remembering I forget and remember when it is too late. I feel like such a bad nurse. Somedays I wonder why I wanted this career, then I remember and feel bad because I have no true direction. True, I am helping people remain independant but, they don't want to help themselves. Here's a quick tip: If you want to stay in your home except the help that is coming in. Otherwise, there may be no other chpice then to be put into a home. On the other hand if you are the help respect the wishes of those you are helping as long as they remain safe and clean. If they don't want to give you something of theirs don't say " why do you need it?" Frankly it doesn't matter.
well, that is the bitch of the day. I just don't feel that I am doing anyone much good right now.

Things I won't miss about summer

• Things I won't miss about summer when it has gone...

• bees
• masquitos
• fleas
• sweat

I think those are the only things that I won't miss....I'm going to miss summer...

Chomping at the bit

I am sitting here practically grinding my teeth because I am bored and angry. I am so tired of the shit and I need an outlet. I just may take my daughter bike riding with me later. That way maybe I can unwind some. I have been giving a lot of my self to everyone but me and I think it is time to give something back to my self. Although sitting here thinking about it is giving me a headach and I just got over a two day migrain. I;m going to be even more upset if I don't get out because of my head.GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Soap opera/ bad movie work day

First off I get a phone call from the office, while on the way to one of my clients house, saying that I may not be able to get to the office because the streets are closed. It had been raining really hard the night before and the streets in the town the office was in, along with several other towns were flooded. This is not good! I have a chocolate cake on the floor of my car because we are celebrating the birthday of our co-boss.

I think about this for the entire time that I am at my clients house along with the fact that I know the rest of my clients for the day, I won't be able to get too due to road closures. I take the chance and go to the office. Luckily some of the water has receded and I can get as far as the office, but no where else.

We celebrate my co-bosses birthday at lunch and we are laughing and having a good ol' time. After, I go back to my desk thinking now what am I going to do I have finished the rest of my work here. My phone rings, it is my husband. While talking to him I hear commotion in the outer office about news of a tornado watch. Now I am worried because I know my husband is out in it. I tell him to call the kids and then the lights at work go out. Just as I get off the phone with him we are told that we need to go to the basement. I tell my boss that I am going home to my kids ( and the babysitter who is my best friends kid). My co-boss tells me no not with the tornado watch being out it is better if I stay. On our way downstairs I look and the downstairs carpet is wet. Must be the drain outside is plugged. Someone opens the door to check and a river of water comes down the stairs. That's not good! I don't want to drown at work and who knows how long we are going to have to stay downstairs, can't go back up because of tornado watch hummmm. Some women vouenteered to go out and unplug the drain because they didn't like the idea of dying at work either. We cleaned up the water best we could with no electric and moved boxes to higher ground. Then we decied that we were going to try to make it home. THere was one road open going the opposite way of the way I needed to go so I asked a guy what I should do to get to where I needed to go. HE said go to the light and make a u turn and head toward the city. So that is what I did and I got home ok. When my husband got home he told me that the building he had called me from, the wind had ripped it's door off. Also wind did damage to a building two doors down from where he was. The kids were fine, nothing happened around where they were, just rain. Oh, what a day.

Room to bitch

This is the only place I get to vent. No one else really wants to hear my pettieness. I am just irritated. I want to buy a house more than anything and my husband is finding more ways to spend our money. We have talked about it before but it just doesn't seem to stick. I swear he can't stay away from anything that is buy now pay later. We got rid of all our creidit cards only for him to use what I call the invisable credit card. Where you buy stuff now and pay later with interest without having the plasic. Then he wants to do this and that... I want to do stuff to and I want things but we don't have the cash to pay for it so I don't get it. The more I think about it the angier I get. I had a certain amount of money that I wanted to put away every pay so that we coukd buy a house sooner rather than later. But right now it looks like later. I am almost 30 for god's sake! I can't talk about it any more cause my feathers are ruffled.

our day trip

Yesterday we took the kids to an amusment park. In the morning the weather looked pretty miserable but, we took the chance anyway. As we were packing the van our dog jumps in and sits down. He is ready to go! He was so disappointed when we told him to get out. I told my husband that he probley thought he was being punished.
My soon to be 6 yr. old is pretty fearless. The greater the challenge the more she loves it! My soon to be 8 yr. old is afraid of heights. Once she does the high ride one time she is ok though. My older two will pretty much go on anything, espeically my son. My oldest daughter is sometimes reluctant but she will go. Me well, I can't do anything that spins in a lot of circles. When I was a kid I could but not any more! We got back around 1 am. It was worth the trip!

The Job

I am not so sure that I really like my job. It is a lot of paper work and doing blood pressures. Although I am improving the lives of some by getting them services that are needed, my job isn't that exciting. Sure the hours are perfect but I don't know, there isn't any luster. I think maybe a year of this and I may want to do more with people who are homebound with wounds. That would be cool. I'd get to see really neat things there. I don't see the point in being a Rn if they have more paper work than what I do now! I only do half of what is required by the state and county billing does the rest. Oh, well, it is a good start at any rate.

Long story short

So yes yahoo map does suck even more than map quest. Ok way more than Map Quest. It misses like three streets that you are suppose to turn onto say nothing about the street name changes even though you haven't changes streets. Good thing I have my Human GPS because I would have spent all night looking for this clients house. Ofcoarse by the time I got there she wasn't home so I had to go back the next day. Atleast I knew how to get there.!

5yr old Girls

If you have a weak stoamch you may want to move on to another blog.

I don't understand my 5 yr. old. The cat was killing a baby bird and my 5 yr old daughter is yelling at the the cat to leave it a lone. I tell her to let the cat have it, it is too injured and going to die anyway. I imagaine that the cat killed the bird and then my daughter kept yelling at it so she left. The next thing I know my 5 yr. old daughter is bring the dead bird into the house. Not because she wants me to see it or fix it, no because she just wants to carry it around and gross out her sister. Doesn't she get that this is the same bird that she didn't want the cat to kill or doesn't it matter now because it is already dead? Why isn't she mourning it like I would have been when I was Five? I just don't understand this. Should I be concerned that she isn't? Well, she was just not now that it is dead. Why? HMMMMM...

Map Quest

I want to know why the people who put directions on Map Quest don't know their right from left. You would think that would be a requirement to know that kind of stuff when your job is giving directions. This is not the first time that this has happened to me. This is like the 3rd. Now I don't use map quest that often so it makes me wounder how many of the directions are misgiven. It really busts my6 buttons though when I have to go 5 miles to just turn aorund because the computer told me the wrong way. Well now I know which way to go. Next time I will go right and not left. But for future reference maybe I'll just stick with a good old fashion map.

The Best is yet to come

I don't know why I was so blessed, but I landed a terrific job! it is a 9-5 no weekends, no holidays , no nights. It is just what I needed, just what the family needed. The only thing that I feel a little guilty about is that there isn't any wounds or anything really hard to do. I don't know why I am feeling guilty about having an easy job. Who cares it pays good! I know this will be good for everyone and the best is yet to come.

It is over!!!!!!!

It has been almost a month since my last post. It was so hectic that if I had to think to breath I would be dead. I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel until the day of graduation and there it was radiating in all its brilliance before me. There I was among 36 other students, all in white, heart beating just as hard, to receive my diploma. A piece of paper with few words that really means so much more than graduation. The paper says through the tears, sleepless nights, bitching and complaining, the butt wiping, ass kissing, bull shit...you survived!!
Now a new chapter begins. Time to test what I learned and go to work. I am excited and scared because there is not a teacher there or another student to run to to ask. I am on my own. I can do it, but it still puts butterflies in my tummy thinking about it.

Here I am

The light at the end of the tunnel isn't looking any brighter, maybe because I feel like I am walking around with my eyes closed! The end is going to be a close call between pass/fail. As long as it ends... It is starting to storm here so I must go.

Mental Health Issue

There is never an easy soulution to the Mental Health Issue but something has to be done. On top of the school shootings, there has been bomb threats at the High School in our school dist. It makes me nervous because my kids will be going there next year.

As I write I have a very dear friend who sits in the Hosp. with a punctured lung and many other injuries from her husband beating her. He has had a mental health issue for spmetime but he went over the edge the other night. They have five kids toghther and he beat her in front of them. This couldn't have been good for any of them. I don't know how she is I have to call her mom to find out.

I get worn out just thinking of all of this. I don't understand. I know it is hard to get help but come on when you feel yourself gettint to a certain point you HAVE to get help. Would someone rather hurt people than get help? I just don't understand.

PETS

I have had some funny pets over the years. One time I had a pot belly pig that liked to sleep in my dirty clothing. I had two ferrets that liked to play tag with the cat, a cat that was male that thought he was a mother cat and tried to breast feed kittens. Currently there is my first and only dog, he thinks he is a real boy. The other day my husband and I were laying in bed and the dog jumped up and was staring at us. Pretty soon my youngest daughter climbs up and goes to lay next to me. Well, the dog wasn't going to stand for that so he shoved her out of the way and laid down as close as he could to me! He's a great boy and funny as all get out!

Light at the End of the Tunnel

So here I am sitting in the tunnel that has been so dark for what seems like forever and atlast I can see the light. There it is 12 weeks off. IT is a small dim light right now but as each day passes it will be bigger and brighter. Again, I will have come out on top of a hard and tireing trip, but it will be well worth it. Thank you for those who knew I could make it, even when I wasn't so sure. Thank you to those who stood by me when I wasn't the nicest person to be near. Thank you to those who prayed for me, and Thank you God for answering the prayers.

The bad is good.

It is nice to see that all the things that I have gone through and my kids have gone through, gives others hope, because we have walked away without too many scars. I find more and more people who are sitting in the same boat that I was in and they know the struggles that I have endured. They say to me if you can make it than so can I. Some tell their kids to go ask my kids the things that their dad ( jerk off) has done to them because that childs dad is doing the same. Somehow, just by letting people know that I have gone through real bad stuff and come out on top I have helped them. Stranged, I always thought helping was physically doing something for someone and now I am learning that sometimes giving someone hope is all they need. Happy Spring!!!

My cup

I've never made a fortune, and it's probably too late now.But I don't worry about that much, I'm happy anyhowAnd as I go along life's way,I'm reaping better than I sowed.I'm drinking from my saucer,'Cause my cup has overflowed. Haven't got a lot of riches,and sometimes the going's tough.But I've got loving ones all around me,and that makes me rich enough. I thank God for his blessings,and the mercies He's bestowed.I'm drinking from my saucer,'Cause my cup has overflowed.I remember times when things went wrong,My faith wore somewhat thin.But all at once the dark clouds broke,and the sun peeped through again.
So Lord, help me not to gripe,about the tough rows I have hoed.I'm drinking from my saucer,'Cause my cup has overflowed.If God gives me strength and courage,When the way grows steep and rough.I'll not ask for other blessings,I'm already blessed enough.
And may I never be too busy,to help others bear their loads.Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer,'Cause my cup has overflowed.

Falling Deeper...

I have fallen so deep right now that I can almost see the bottom. Thats not good because the light is at the top. JKF obviously wasn't attending nurseing school when he said "the only thing we have to fear is fear it self". I have a pharm test tomarrow. I think that one I may pass. I have yet another test tomarrow. That one I have a feeling I will fail. I just can't keep all these disorders straight in my head.
The strss is really taking its toll on me. I bleed in between periods, I have Acid reflux and a sore throat because of it, I lost 8 lbs in one month ( which really isn't that bad). I am burning out and I have 3 little months to go. I keep telling myself this but it only makes me sicker. Can't I have a test double so I can take tomarrow off and still pass?

Falling down again.

"Fear is that dark room where negatives are developed" - From the Sisterhood of the traveling pants.
So how many times can you pull youself up when you have been knocked down? I don't know but I do know that my friends are picking me back up and pushing me forward. I have a 62% in Pharm and all my very dear friends have all told me they are going to take turns helping me study for the next 3 tests. That is all we have left is 3 tests then the final. I am so very glad that they are here for me. I may have just not shown up come Monday because honestly I am sick of the fight. I would have just thrown in the towel and said I tried. These guys won't let me do that though. I wish I could have my mommy here so I could cry on her shoulder. Sometimes I wish i was still little and the magic of mommy makes everything better. I wonder when the magic of mommy stoped working. There doesn't seem to be anything I can point out that says yes that is the day it stopped working. It's sad I am almost 30 (shhhh) and I still want the magic of my mommy. Hopefully the magic I carry for my kids will never wear off. Yeah, right.

On the other hand....

On the other hand...you have 5 different fingers.
The weather is finally warming up. It will be bareable (?) to go outside again. YIIIPPPEEEE! I can once again walk away the stress when I am on break at school.
My husband will be off for 5 more weeks of work. They still don't know if they will be doing surgery or not. I don't know much about my husband job but, couldn't skids be moved with only 9 fingers and a dolly? I am nervous about the money. He didn't go back on workman's comp., he is on Short term disability insurance. I know nothing about it! As I grow older I hate the unknown. At this rate I am going to be one of those old ladies stuck in the past, with her old furniture and her old ways. Oh, my. Don't have time to worry about money or is it I don't have time to worry about school. I don't have time to worry at all!!

Oh the weather

I can't beleive how long the kids have not had school because of the Snow, ice and cold. They have been off or delayed all this week. On the other hand even in the worst of it my school was not cancelled or delayed. This has really got me fired up. I called off yesterday because there was atleast an inch of ice on my road alone, then this morning I can't get the doors open on any of the cars in my driveway. The school is going to try to charge me $50 to make up yesterday and I say kiss my butt. If I had of went and got into an accident and tried to sue the school, they would tell me that it was my choice to go. I am loosing heart on this school. I don't have the drive I used to to get my education because you have to fight every step of the way. If I were to give up now I don't think I'd go back because I was so frusterated. I don't know. Atleast the weather will ease up next week.

Fast forward and slow Motion

Is it possible to have gone or begoing fast forward and be in slow motion all at the same time. Let's take slow motion first. Between this deep freeze and school I feel stuck. I feel that one day is the same as the next except that I get up at different times. I have 3 months of school left, it feels like forever....
Let's go to the fast forward part. Wasn't it just yesterday my oldest was in kidergarden and got introuble on the bus for kissing a boy. Now she is almost 12 and she went on her first real date with a boy ( her boyfriend). They went to the movies. My husband and I had this big debate whether or not one of us should go to the movies with them. I said yes and he said no ( if you can beleive that). Weel, turns out the boys mother was going to go with them and she sat right next to them. Atleast I was going to sit a few rows back. This made my husband laugh but it set my mind at ease. So there it is Fast Forwar and Slow Motion at the same time.

Love Thine Enemy?

Love Thine Enemy, or maybe it is more Keep your friends close and your enemies closer , or could it be Greed is one of the seven deadly sins? I am not really sure. I have debated for days about this. About whether to post this or not and why I did this. Ok, so here it is.
The other day when I dropped my son off jerk off "needed" to speak with me. SO I took a few mins. to let him plead his case with me. And plead he did. About how broke he is because of the child support and his old college taking money out of his check ect. I told him, without anger, without hatered, that he never cared when I was in that situation. So blah,blah, blah he says and then I just said that when I get a job after graduation I would make sure that the child support was reduced. Well, the court will make sure, my lawyer already told me they would. I can't reamin angry though. I'm not even going to try to fight it when the time comes. I can only take so much stress in my life and I am reaching my breaking point. If a reduction in child support in 5 months will get him off my back then fine. I just want to be left alone!!!! Life is hard enough wirhout adding him into the mix. I know I should have thought about that before. I just thought we would live happily ever after.

BE CAREFUL

I know that there are many people out there that are allergic to asprin. Also we all know not to give it to children under 16, so the following list of over the counter drugs that contain asprin may surpise you.

• Alka-Seltzer
• Pamprin
• Pepto-Bismol ( although they now sell asprin free knds also. Check the label)
• Sine-Off
• Kaopectate

Also remember that cold meds., unless otherwise labeled, contain pain releiver so there is no need to give or take one with it. Otherwise you may overdose or overdose your child. Non-asprin pain relief is not completly safe. Over dose can cause kidney failure. Just thought everyone would like to know.

Dreaming at night

In the back of my mind I must be afraid of going backward in life. I often have dreams or nightmares, of living in a really bad area. The other day I dreamt that I was living in this bad area and I couldn't find out how to get the kids to school. Once I figured it out and took them, they never came home. A gang had kidnapped them and they wanted $16,000. The apartment it self was nice, but outside it was so dark. I had to walk up the street to a bar where one of the gang memebers worked ( can you imagine they had real jobs) to give him some money. There were people in the shadows but no one said anything to me. When I got back home I was in a panick. Even though I lived on the 2nd floor I just knew someone was going to break into my house. I remember putting this gel that would burn your hands if touched, around the window ledges and on the bottom of the window. I don't really remember the rest.
Maybe the fact that we have another car payment is bothering me. I don't really know. I do know that I will never allow my self or my kids to live in a bad neighborhood again. I hate the fact that my son goes to jerk offs ,who lives in a bad neighborhood. Unfourtunatly, I have no control over that.

No title

My husband bought a 2005 Mustange over the weekend. I gave him the go ahead because he deserves something to show his hard work. Except now, I feel this yerning for a house. I have felt it for a long time but it is getting stronger and stronger and I just may burst!! No, not burst but just get something that I sort of like just to say hey I have one!! I know I have to wait til I graduate before I get a house so we will have a nice combine income but I DON'T WANT TO WAIT! Sounds childish I know. I'm almost 30 wasn't I suppose to have a house by now? Ok I really should be concentrateing on school and stay focused so I can get my license, to get a job, to buy a house. I guess that just gives me more gumption to pass, huh. I'll still be over 30 by the time I get one though. A nice big yard, plenty of room, yep that is what I want. Brick or stone would be nice. I must go my oldest has homework and then dance class.

Who ordered this weather?

For the first time this winter it is snowing hard, big flakes! IT is pretty but I was being spoiled with nice warm weather! I know it needs to snow in the winter so there is enough water but, ...
I think that the Farmer's Almanac is interesting and from what I hear, does a pretty good job at predicting the weather. I have never read it, but my uncle who was a farmer use to.
For as tired as I have been this week, I have been doing really well inschool! My grades have really come up!! Maybe it is because I have relaxed and said to my self that a C was OK. I psych myself out sometimes. Well, half of the kids are sick so I will be staying in tonight hopeing I don't get sick. Have a good weekend.

Freud and friends

Lets talk about an intersting subject....Freud. Some in my class call him a pervert because all his childhood therioes relate back to sex. Prevert?, Not sure about that. However, he does seem to have this preoccupation with sex and if you know more about his teachings he has a big mother issue also. Back to his chidhood stages he has a stage called Anality which is where kids have a preoccupation with holding on to things ( mainly their poop). This is where we get the people are anal thing from. So what about the other guys who have stages of children theories, none of theirs relates to sex. Erikson has trust vs. Mistrust, which I think that man is straight on with that one. If you don't pick up a crying infant then they develope mistrust. As we get into the school age years I think that is where all of them have some sort of idea but none have nailed it on the head. Or it could be that times have changed so much. For instance my 7 year old is much more interested in clothing and talking on the phone. This is suppose to be saved of the later years. So for you who have children what do you think? Do you have any theories of your own?

Stepping Up

I have finally learned to just except the C's that I am getting and move along. Why stress over a C when there are bigger fish to fry. I have a test every day this coming week and Iv certification. OOOOH, the pressure and that is why I won't let a C bother me. I found the sort of jobs that I want to do and I just can't wait to get my license. I am more excited then a teen getting their driver's license. Only 5 months to go!! I don't care what Ms. werido strange teacher has to say about my clinical assignments because everyone else gave me a positive reveiw. So there. I am not going to worry about things that really don't need be worried about. Atleast I'll try!

Messy, messy

You know when people say their house is such a mess and then you go in and it looks spotless to you? Well, that is not the case here today. OMG, the little girls' room is a night mare. For a small room it is going to take me all after noon to clean it. They have been working on it all week and have gotten, well, no where. Time for Mom to step in. They are going to be left with 7 shirts a peice and if they can take care of those, only then can they earn some back. I'm getting pretty good at this typing. Too bad it took me 10years to get this good!!

Depression, Frustration, ect.

Would it be uncouragous ( is that a word?) if I were to quit nursing school now? I feel as though I am falling flat on my face. I studied very hard for the past two tests and got a C. How did that happen. Well, of coarse the one was the tricky teachers test. Sorry teachers, but, there are some out there that just shouldn't be one ( as with any career ). The retake for last semesters finale is next week and frankly I am scared. I really would like to quit right now. Then again, I would kick my self if I did. How much can one person take though?
" Can you help me I'm bent? I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together."
What am I doing wrong? I really try to be positive. Wish the school was a little more positive. Well, I guess I'll keep trying.

First Day Back

The first day back to school also means the start of a new semester. This means that those who did not get a 70% or above in their classes are gone. AHHH, but there is a catch ( isn't there always?). You had to come to school this morning and go half way through the morning before you found out if you were to stay or go. Then people who were being told to get their stuff and leave weren't even told by the director, they were told by someone that she appointed.
Right before I left the director called me in to tell me that I needed to retake the pharm final. I failed it which brought my grade from an 87% to a 73%. I made sure I told her that I didn't think that the pharm final was fair. The instructor told us that she was tking 50 questions from a practice test that she had given us and then she didn't. She made this test up from somewhere out of the blue. There was stuff on there that we won't be tested on until this week!! Oh, there is more, but you get the point. So the director is looking into it. I'm sure that I along with a bunch of others will still have to retake the test. Let's just hope that it is fair this time. My horoscope said that I would have to prove myself to others. Maybe that is what it meant.
On a funnier subject I am reassuring my dog that everything is fine right now because my husband is playing the drums and my dog isn't sure what he should do!! It is the funniest site.

Hopes for the New Year

I have both big hopes and little hopes for the New Year. I don't make any promises to my self about the New Year because I am a rule breaker. I am just going to cont. watching my waist. I have lost some weight but I want to lose more befire summer when we go on vacation.
If I were the Iraqi govt. I would hang Sadaam on midnight New Years. That is just me though.
I just want to make it through the school year, without an ulcer would be nice. Then I would like to pass my boards. Those are my biggest goals for 2007. My small goals are many. I can only acheive those if they don't get in the way of my large ones. I know I have a lot of people pulling for me. I know I have help from my friends at school too. It is too bad that the school doesn't help you like they say they will. Oh, well nothing you can really do. I have given many bad reviews for some of the teachers though. Maybe something will be done. Well, Enjoy the New Year celebrations. I hopeing we will be able to.

OVER, for now

Sencond semester finals are now over and done with. Ofcoarse they make us sweat it out over vacation to see what we got but honestly, I know I passed the coarse and that is all that matters.
Now, I have the next 10 days off of school and have work around here to do. Have a Happy December everyone and Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it.

Almost @ the end..

OMG, would someone like to borrow a child until Christmas Eve. I have various ages and you can have a boy or a girl. I know the excitment is driving them bonkers but they are driving me bonkers!!!!
Just a few more days of school left. I have been studying for my finals and hard too. I have found that it is more relaing to study with someone from a different school because there is no bitching about what is or is not going on. Then I get a vacation. Ofcoarse, I have to share this with the kids but Who cares. A mental break from school is much needed!
I hope everyone gets a mental break after Christmas or whatever you celebrate. Enjoy!

Closer

It is getting closer to Christmas, closer to finals, closer to the end of school. No pressure here! Thank God for good friends and a great husband or I wouldn't have any hair left.
There is not a drop of snow to be found here in Pa. Can you believe it? In fact we have a bunch of windows open! I guess Dreaming of a white christmas is apporpate this year. It hasn't been raining either. It is almost like the weather is stuck in neutral. Oh, well maybe that will mean that my parents can come see us before christmas. The first christmas tree was decorated in 1510. Just in case someone needed to know that.

What I should have said

I got a nasty 6 page letter from my x. To him my reply was sticks and stones...
What I should of said is as follows:


Dear Parinoid Wanna Be Dad:
I releize that in your parinoid little world everything is and always has been my fault. In fact I know you think I wrote the chid support laws and then took you to court. Also my "Nazi" rein is brain washing the children into hating you, brain washing my husband into loving and supporting me and brain washing the U.S. govt. into giving me income tax money. Money that I don't deserve because I sit on my lazy ass all day. Well, my response to this is : STOP WRITING AND GET BACK TO WORK SO I CAN GET MY MONEY!!!!


Do you think that would have gotten him all fired up? LOL

Nightmares

Nightmares often riddle my sleep. The mind won't turn off, I wake up with the name of a drug on the tip of my lips. What does do and how does it work, I wonder as I drift back to sleep. Another nightmare, oh now I have to pee. Look at the clock well, might as well shower, I have only 5 more mins. before the alarm goes off anyway. The name of that drug is still floating around in my mind as I shower. Wish I had time to look it up before I go , but no time. Off I go wisking into the day. Can't wait to go back to sleep again, forgetting it is riddled with night mares.

Thanksgiving

I am thankful for:

1. My husband, who is my cheerleader and keeps me going.
2. My family who loves me no matter what.
3. My friends who pick me up and carry me when I think I just can't go on any more.
4. For the two guys that helped me get the dog back when he escaped and ran through traffic.
5. To all the nameless strangers who have ever lent me a hand in my time of need.
There is so mych more but, i'd fill up pages and pages!

A Much Needed Break

Finally some down time. I usally freak out on Sundays,but I know that a long (sort of long ) break is just around the corner. First though let me tell you about my date.
Last night my husband and I celebrated our 6th wedding anni. ( even though it was weeks ago). We had some extra money so we went to an expensive place. I'm talking high class were the potatoes and veggies didn't come with the meal. They were an extra price,each! We arrived down town and the out door skating rink was set up and there was people ice skating and Christmas music playing. There was a tree in the middle all lit up. We just stopped and stared for a while. It seemed like something right out of a movie. Then we went in and had a mouth watering meal. After we went back out side and watched the skaters some more. There was nothing that could top off the romantic and peaceful atmaspher so we went home. The kids ofcoarse were already in bed so it was still peaceful.
This coming week at school we only have three days of clinical and then 5 days off. OH, how I need the break!!

Some Excitement at Last!

Finally, I got to see a surgery! Nothing too bloody or gory. It started out that they were going to put one stent in a guys leg. Once they got in there, it was clear that he was going to need more than that. A stent is a mesh type device that is put into an artery to keep it open so blood can flow to where it is suppose to. I watched on a monitor because there wasn't anything to see where the surgen was. He only put a pencile size hole in the guy and everything else everyone saw on screen. It was nice to be able to see this. The man having the stent put in was awake the whole time. Boring, put me to sleep I need the extra zzzz's! I'm not even sure if the man could see the screen. Well, the monkeys are home. Time to man the zoo.

How Much

How much more I can take is very uncertain. 4,5,6 tests in 2 days, getting up so early to spend the day running around trying to learn anything, hungry to do something that I have not done before. Trying to be nice to the family even though I am dog tried, have to study, but need to get the kids stuff done first. This will end right? My grades are starting to suck. They really need to be brought back up or I am out. ( I'm not in that much trouble yet.).
However, I do feel good about myself. I have been going around collecting coins to help out with this little boys medical bills. He is 7 years old. When he was 6 months old the doctors found that he was born with just the left side of his heart. Now he is getting a Berlin heart, and that olny lasts for up to 448 days. Then he will be in desperate need of a heart transplant. So I am collecting the coins to put in a fund that has been set up for him. No matter how bad things are there always is some one who is worse off.

Every Sunday

Every Sunday I feel so overwhelmed. There is always so much to do. Laundry, and uniforms ironed, study finish homework,help kids do talent show practice, finish talent show out fits, chase the dog ( he has dragged one of the girls with his leash until they let go. Then he runs to the neighbors),eat,sleep?,toss and turn all night. Then on Monday I have to get up really early and try to remember everything I need, the kids need and hope i remember to bring my lunch and a drink. I know I sound so negative but my head is always spinning. I thought having my friends over friday night to play games would keep me relaxed. It only worked for that night and part of the next morning. If I take anytime out then I am behind. Like today I went to the store and then my husband called to see if I wanted to go out to eat with the kids and him. So I did and I got so far behind that I threw my hands up and said I was doing nothing. This is an every Sunday story. It is always something.Please someone throw me a life saver, I am drowning!

Time is slipping away

So Halloween was yesterday and it rained almost the whole time. I am surpised no one has a sore throat ( like me ). I don't want to get into the details right now because I have been getting up @ 4:30 am to get to clinical. All of my friends and I are so tired that we can't comprehend much and we hear funny words. Such as my friend thought a lady said she was taking heart worm medicine. She's not but it does make for a good laugh. My daughter has gotten her first babysitting job. Where did the time go? It feels like I am in the movie CLICK. I have pushed fast forward on the remote and skipped many years and now she is old enough to babysit. I can remember saying that when she got old enough she could watch her brother and sisters when they went to bed and my husband and I would sneek out for a date. That seems like it was just yesterday I was saying that. Next thing you know she will graduate High school. I need to go study Pharmocology. The week is almost over already and I have two tests in the next two days. Have a good day and enjoy the children while they still want you around.

Nothing new

It has taken me days to figure out how to post on this new blogger. Finally after hitting almost every link I found the right one. All I had to do was go home.
Isn't that the moral to a lot of stories that if you want to start something new then all you have to do is go home. Dorthy said that "if I ever go looking for my heart again, I don't have to go any further then my own back yard". Although sometimes you just need to go home to know what you don't want and then you can go out and get what you do.
I cannot wait til school is over. I wouldn't recommend this school to anyone. I came to it because I knew the classroom size was small. Therefore, I expected a lot of one on one attention. I never knew that it was going to turn into high school. If you pass it is not because the teachers did there job, it is because you found a way to understand the info. yourself. This really makes me not want to go back for my Rn. Who knows I still have 8 months left. Good thing time is going quickly.

Nobody likes me everybody hates me....

Nobody likes me everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms...

Where is everyone know one has posted a comment in weeks and I have had some good stuff on here.
You know what I have found hard since I have gotten married? Stop all of you with your dirty minds! I have found that the guys pay less and less attention to me. That is really difficult for me because I have always had guy friends and guys always hanging around me. Now it is my friends that get all the attention and I find myself almost jealous. Well, I am happy that I am not single but I miss having guy friends. That is all i ever really had until I got married and then women started wanting to be my friend. Go figure.
School is going well. The teachers I swear are against us but I am still holding a B so I won't complain too awful much. STress that is what it is. No homework this weekend! Horray for Family time!!

Keeping up with the Jones?

People that try so hard to keep up with others must have a boring life, I can hardly keep up with myself!
Today I got to see my first full delivery! The lady had a baby girl!! I was so excited every time we could see a little more of the head I was like "look, look!" ( like they weren't already looking). This lady had been in labor since last night and gave birth shortly before we had to leave so we have to wait til tomarrow to take care of the baby. My friend also got to see a C section. She said that there was a lot of blood! I didn't want to go see it. I wasn't sure how I would handle it. When we watched a video the other day on a women having a hestorectomy I had a hard time. We had an exciting day, we also got to touch the after birth ( yes, with gloves on). Oh, and this was the first time I had ever seen fluid spurt out after the baby came or maybe it was as she was coming out. At any rate, a spec of fluid landed in the Dr.'s hair! EEEEEEEEEWWWW, I bet she was glad there are showers close by.

And now the good news...

WOW, look at the date. Can you believe how far we are into the year? Next week we will get to see babies come into this crazy world. We get the do their after care and take care of the mothers as well. I am so excited I could burst! I have seen my own child come into the world ( i could only see so much when trying to push). I really can't wait, I get to be just like a grandma, love them, take care of them for a little while and give them back to mom!
School is going well. We will be starting pharmocology soon. YIKES! That scares we some.

Nothing is safe...

Nothing or No where is safe anymore, not even the Amish one room school house. What is going on that a grown man would go into an Amish school house take some girls hostage and kill three of them and then himself. I am baffeled and that is saying a lot for me. Just when I didn't think anything could surpise me I read this on yahoo. It wasn't even an Amish man who did this. I am saddened and confused. Is the world becoming more evil or do we just hear about it more because of the many ways we get information? Can someone who is older tell me, please? I am now at a loss for words...

FYI 3

I found out why previous prescription drugs are now non- prescript and thought I would share the info. Drugs, like Clariton, are now offered without a script because they lost their patent and in order to make money they sell it over the counter.

Speaking of which i think I am going to have to buy some Clariton because the sinus and allergy med. I am using now is only dulling the pain. My head has felt explosive for a week now. I am having a hard time concentrating on my work and now is the most important. It is FINALS WEEK!! Poor me. I can't complain to friends because all of them go to school too. How did that happen? So my online friends, will you feel sorry for my aching head?

My smart dog

I have a mixed breed dog and he is a little over a year. When he wants to play I will tell him to go get a certain toy and I have to say what room it is in and then he will go get it. If you don't say what room he will look behind him and then in the dinning room and come back with a puzzled look on his face. He is great! He knows the sounds of the bus so when he hears one he will listen for the kids and when he hears them he will either go to the door or stand on the porch and wait for them. I thought he would run off the porch, down the street to greet them. Nope, he waits right on the porch like a good boy. We really lucked out when we got him!!

To the little kitten

When we found you little kitten you were so skinny and looked so sad. The very first thing you did was have a dirahra attack on me. I knew you were very sick but I thought some TLC would bring you back. You seemed to be doing so well, I got your bowel movements to be soild and I got you to drink some milk. You were even beinging to walk around some....and then you left us, just as suddenly as you came. Thank you for waiting until I got back before you went. I am greatful I got to hold you one last time. Good bye little kitten , Good bye.

Moving right a long

Nursing school is going great. This coming week we start going to the nursing homes. I get to start at one of the easier ones, they are not total care people. Also the place is very homey and quiet,so it is not so sad. I really don't want to go to the other nursing homes though. Those are total care and sad. Atleast we will only have one -two people so I will have time to do the job right and make these people feel good. We sure are picking up speed! Soon this will all be over with and I will be saying what was the big deal? Even my kids seem happier with their school work and sometimes we do our homework together. I would like to think that me going to school while they are school age is making a positive impact on them. The weather is great today so I think I will spend sometime outside.
ONE LAST NOTE: PLEASE REMEMBER THOSE WHO DIED ON 9/11/01.

Court is OVER!

Well, my day in court went very well. I am please with the outcome and now if he will keep his job then the kids can actually get the things that they need. My husband and I give him about 6 months before he thinks this is bullshit and quits or takes us back to court. OH well, nothing I can do. I am just happy with the way things turned out today. We will actually be bringing in more support than what we pay out! That is a nice switch.
I know I usally bitch on here but this is the only outlet I have. So today I thought I'd write something nice.
My friend and I made up our minds that we are going to have a Halloween party at my house this year for the kids and Adults. I have never had one but always wanted to. I am really looking forward to having a semi-spooky party and dressing up. I have planned some "gross" foods and my friend is planning decorations and games. I like being an adult and a kid rolled into one. I have money to buy stuff for the party but also get to have fun too! Two of my friends got married close to halloween so they could have a costume party. That had been my plan too but we lived all the way in Va. at the time and hardly anyone would have come . So this plan works good for me!! I am so excited.

Only 7 days in a week

Last time I checked there were only 7 days in a week and 24 hours in a day. You should see my homework planner. I already have stuff on there that is due at the start of next month! Our days are just jammed packed. My head was spinning by the end of today. I really don't know how the people who are working can possibly get any thing done. I just needed to take a short break from homework.
Even though today was cloudy the weather was nice. It had been raining this morning but then stopped and it was comfy. I enjoyed my break time walk. That is the only real stress relief that I get during the day.
Court is on thurs. and I already have butterflies. I have been having nightmares that keep getting court and school entertwined. When I go to the doctors next I think I am going to ask for sleeping pills. Maybe I will feel better then.

My jump and then recloos

On Wend. I finally was brave and got a tatto all the way around my ankel. It is a vine with green leaves and on the side has a fancy letter B entwined by the vine. I love it. It just felt like a continuous brush burn. I have had worse pain. It still is very sore though. I'm glad I got it now before I had to cover it with my socks.
Today I stayed home from school. I just couldn't force my self to go. I have been under an extreme amount of stress and thought that I just needed to be home today. I am sitting here in my PJs and it is 1:oo pm. I have no desire to get dressed. Tuesday morning I have court and I am so nervous about that. My husband also returns to work that day for sure, my two little girls have been sick with a fever. I don't know what I am going to do if they are still sick next week. I know the people I cannot count on to help me. Even though she swore she wouldn't turn out to be her mother she has. I am going to bitch for a few lines. Here my husband and I are trying hard to get a little ahead in life, only asking for help when we are desperate and there sits my brother not even trying to make ends meet. Which one gets the help? Not the one who has made it through the worst of the storm fighting every bit of the way and now has come to the piont where she has almost made it. No, the one who is creating his own problems and has no desire to help himself. He is the one who gets all the help!!!!!!!Am I bitter?
My husbands work mans comp. check still hasn't arrived. I think that the office forgot to send it and doesn't want to admitt it. Hopefully it will be here soon because I need to get nurses shoes.
It is a gloomy, cool day, I hope the rest of you are doning better than I am.

The guy gave birth to what?

Iggnorance can be a good thing especially when it comes to the gerbils. I thought that it was a myth until our instructer told us all the goory details of how. Then again knowleage of other medical things that be facinating! I just read about a guy in India who thought that he had a tumor in his stomach, for the last 36 years, and when doctors finally did surgey they were horrified. They found hands and fingers with nails. It turns out that when he was in his mothers tummy he had a twin brother that wrapped himself around the other. Then as the "main' guy grew the brother ended up in the stomach of the "main" guy. That is weird. Apparently this has happened 90 times in Human History!!!! See the "fan" or medical mysteries for more info.
Also they have found a way to take stem cell from a live baby without harming it!!!! This is great this a is a huge leap for humans! I am ecxited to be in the medical feild at this stage.

Evil

He is evil. He has to be to deny his kids things like more money. I am not being greety here. They only get $130 monthly. That's right Monthly for the two of them. He also has said only one sentence to the oldest daughter since our last court date in June. She is actually better since he stopped trying to force her to do things. You would think that since he has spent all this money that he would try to talk to her to get her to like him better or something. Atleast keep up on her life. Now we are going back for child support and he thinks that I owe him $6,000 that he had to pay to the state from 1997-2004 for the birth of the kids. Ha kiss my butt!!
I have lots of new facts for you but are too hot right now to type much longer. Just a note. What ever you have heard about gerbils and sex is true. eeeekkkk!!! ( I now know a nurse that had to remove a dead one from there).

A few things FYI

Ok there is a bunch of stuff that I wanted to post.But I have a lot runnig through my head about what I got on my last two tests and how blood flows through the heart so I will try to post what I can remember.

First: If you take oscal please STOP! Oscal is made from oysters and they contain Mercury. The US gov. has no regulation for how much Murcury is safe!

Next: Please look at your husbands ear lobes. If there is a crease where an earing would go PLEASe have his heart checked. Please don't make me explain that one right now. If you'd like I can reply on your blog or email as to why.

The last thing that I can remember right now is that giraffs have the strongest heart muscle because it has to pump blood all the way up the neck. (Snapple Fact)

Trying to keep up

I am trying very hard to keep up. I have a take home mid term to do this weekend, birthday shopping, my daughter's first non-family babysitting job. I went to a bunch of yard sales this morning and boy am I glad I went. I was able to get my soon to be 7 year old a brand new bike for $20 instead of the $58 we were going to spend at the store. I was the same color and had the tags still on! We will give her other bike to her youngest sister. Now I have to birthday shop for my son. That is always a tough one. He is turning 10. I always have a hard time buying for boys. You would think it would be easy growing up with all boys but no it is not.
My oldest has her first non-family babysitting job tonight. I told her to wach the little one here so if there is a problem we can help. Even though the child lives 4 houses down I didn't feel like running back and forth all night.
Well, i really do have to get to my mid term. Have a good week.

It is suppose to storm soon. That is good though because it will cool down some. I like the heat but the humity can be terrible. My watermelon is growing! I just harvested most of my carrots ( the ones that I thought weren't going to grow). My one zuccinee ( how is that spelled?) has produced a lot of that squash, the peans are done producing which is fine they were good this year. Now I just have to wait for the tomatos to rippen. I love to see all my work pay off and the neighbors and friends give me lots of complaimants! Yep, I love my garden whether it is planting or weeding or getting ready for next spring. No matter what happens in life all troubles go away in my garden!
Next week my son and middle daughter both have a birthday 10 and 7 they will be. The boy is going into 5th! and the girl into 2nd! We are going to have icecream cake, yum. Soon clinical will start for nursing school. I don't know how much I am going to like going to the nursing homes. I hate them. They make me very sad and anxious. We will see. Have a good day everyone.

Just wanted to share

I must have gotten my mother's brains, because yesterday I recieved a 100% on my A&P test! I have another test on Monday I hope I do as well! I wish I had of been this interested in high school. It may have made life a bit easier, nah.
Kindergarden round up is next week. I guess I am looking forward to it, to meet JJ's teacher and all. I know I will cry the first day of school. I never cried for any other but this is the baby. I told my husband that this meant we needed another baby and he reminded me that babiesa grow up. So no more babies,puppies or kittens. ( I have a friend who is trying to make up for the fact that she can't have another baby by buying kittens.)

Younge Guns

My 11 year old told me today that when she is 13 she would like to drive in the "Younge Guns" . That is a 13-16 year old class in dirt track car racing. I'm all for it! I think it would raise her self-estemm 100%. I know I had always wanted to drive race car but didn't want to do it in the
'powder puff" league which was the only girls league at the time. I wanted to race with the big boys! Today girls do get to race with the big boys and I am happy about that. Now if girls could play baseball with the guys we would be set!

Vitamins

I received my first C today on my vitamin test. It was a lot harder than I expceted. When I started reading the test I got all the vitamins mixed up in my head. Especially the B vitamins. Oh well, tomarrow is our liquide in take test. I am sure to get an A on that. As long as the calulator is right, anyhow.
My baby starts kindergarden next month. The sadness has already started on my part. She is the last one. No more babies at home during the day. I thought I'd be happy when this day came. I'm sure I'll get over it, by next year!

Test 3 of the week

Still holding on strong to that A in A&P. I got a 96% on the muscle test. Next is the nerves for A&P. I just hope mine don't get shot!

Test number what?

I have 5 tests this week and I only have 2 classes! It looks like I am holding a high B in nutrtion. I should be doing better than that. I love the subject. Honestly the class is not an excitement. The teacher is a bore. I still have an A in A&P! Another test on the muscles this time. Quick fact: There are 500 muscdles in the body. Thank God I don't need to know all of them and what they do!
I think that I might get some watermelons from the garden this year. The plant is huge and it has flowers on it. Have to go study. Have a good day.

More

The person (s) who count the bones in the body can't agree whether we have 206 or 208. The human body is even more amazing when you go and study it. Did you know that there was a doctor in Rome who almost had the mysteries of the human body figured out. Then he died and his work wasn't cont. again for 200 years! If fact learning stopped all togther in the dark ages. That is why they are called the dark ages.
Did you know that there is actually one bone in the body not attched to any other bone?
Well, i know that will be on my test Monday. I have one Monday, tues, and at least on other day if not two. I hope I can remember all the stuff I learned. You would think that the functions of the bone would be easy but as with anything that looks easy... there is always more to it.

Hows That go?

FYI

Did you know that a California Cobb Salad with dressing from McDonalds has more calories and fat then their Big Mac?

That salad you bought from McDonalds also contains sugar even with out the dressing. YEP, the lettuce comes prepackaged from headquarters and before it is sealed is sprinkeled with sugar.

How about that Taco Salad from Taco Bell... 750 calories. Let's not talk about the fat in that.

Did you know that the calories on a package of anything is probley not correct. Check it out for yourself add together Carbs,fat and protein. That gives you the correct amount of calories. You may surpised to find that whomever did these numbers is up to 30 calories off!!!

It's not easy

IT is not easy being a straight A student. I have had 5 tests this week. Now I am taking a break, called all my friends and took a peek at my garden. We have to keep track of what we eat this week and count calories, carbs, fat and protein. YIPPPEEE! I'd rather be tourchered! I know that I am slightly overweight do I have to be reminded? Maybe this will get me to eat better.MAYBE!

Sugar and spice and everything...

Sugar and spice and everything nice, That's what little girls are mad of.
Today my six year old is having a lemonade stand. She has 20 oz. bottles along with regular cups. She is doing this by herseld (because she wants to keep all the money). She doesn't give change either so if you see her you might want to have exact change ready. She always does so well at this. She may one day own a bunch of stands! I know a good place for one today would be outside of the ALL Star Fest downtown. That is where my husband is today.
I had posted my philosophy book on half.com and I actually sold it! I can't beleive it.
I also recieved my composting worms. I am so excited!! Sometimes I wounder if I am not anal about recycleing. Even the 20 oz. bottles for the lemonade are pop bottles rinsed out! But the less you spent the more you make right?

Another day another blog

So my husband has had his surgery and is driving me bonkers. This is his 2nd on the same shoulder within, 2 months. I know that he is going nuts sitting at home and not being able to do anything. I know that he is in a lot of pain and it is depressing not being able to go back to work when you really want to. On the other hand, he is driving me bonkers!
I started back to school today and can already see that this year is going to fly by. That makes me excited because that means that I can get my LPN and then buy a house. That is going to be my reward! I will buy a house with some land, so my kids can play, my dog can run and I can garden, withou running into each other.
If anyone is interrested there is a neat website to check out it is www.earth911.org

My getaway

I am not very good at expressing myself unless I am feeling creative so here we go. Let me tell you about my 3 day getaway.
It was a nice four hour drive, with the green landscape whizzing by. None the less I was glad that we arrived at our destination. My legs were beginning to hurt because our 50 pound dog had been laying on my lap for the past two hours. He is such a baby. The family and I went in a restarunt for dinner and we had to leave him in the van. When we get back on the road he climbs on my lap and lays down to make sure that I can't go anywhere else without letting him out first. I climb out of the van and in hale the fresh country air. AAAAAHHH, it smells so sweet or is that the cow manure. Either way it doesn't smell like anything we have at our house and I like it. The kids jump out all excited and grab their bags. It is still light so if they hurry and get their stuff to the rooms they stay in then they will still have time to play. We enter, ha the dog has already spotted a cat and preceeds to chase it up the stairs to the last bedroom. Our littlest is yelling "mom, the dog is chasing the cat". I tell "Eddie" the dog, to get down here and be good. Now we go out side. It is so peaceful, there is not a sound that annoys the senses. Only sound of birds and crickets and now the added laughter of children. Eddie and I walk up to the old apple trees, where the was a duck sitting on its nest and eddie chased it to the ditch. No duck and can't see the nest. G says that the duck never came back. OOOPS! I'm sure it will come back next spring. I see all the familer sights that I have been seeing since I was little. Not much has changed as far as sight goes. Maybe a paint job or two and the farmers rotate the crops every year, but other then that it is the same sights as always. Green, brown and trees as far as the eye can see. Sometimes if you are lucky you can see deer out the kitchen window. Well, I must go for now my getaway hopefully I can continue this tomarrow.

Your Nasty and Your Loud

You're nasty and you're loud,
you're mean enough for two.
If I could be a rain cloud,
I'd rain all day on you.

That poem was from Something Big Has Been Here.
You ever feel that way about someone? I know I feel that way more often than not!
The garden of mine looks great the rain really made the plants spring up. Ofcoarse it made the weeds grow just as quickly. Oh well, I've always said that gardening and coloring are the two best forms of thearpy. Try it, next time you feel low buy a coloring book and a box of crayons and suddenly things don't look as glum.

3 Days of tears

It took three days of tears to finally except that the legal system is as messed up as other people say it is. I am better now. the legal system it self is what got under my skin so much. I just had a hard time with it all really. I have to move on. There is nothing more that can be done about the previous subject. My husband's operation is this coming Monday and I start back to school on Wend. I don't have time to be beating myself over what happened. The fact is that I did everything that I could and I am sorry that it wasn't enough ,but hey, what else can be done?

Finding it hard to pick self up

I haven't typed since court. I'm lucky that I have gotten out of bed since then. Basically my daughter lost. There is two small pluses that have come out of this but I'm sure it doesn't out weigh the negative. People keep saying to me that we will get him in child support. I don't care and in fact that makes me angry because that implies that money is going to make it all better. It isn't! I'd give up child support in a heart beat if that meant my daughter being happy. apparently black and white evidence doesn't matter when it comes to non-criminal court really. Life doesn't seem worth going through any more and no matter what positive spin any one tries to put on it the fact still remains that he gets to cause trouble and turmoil in my life for the next 9 years. I get sick even thinking about it.
I know that there is no way anyone can understand and many may think I'm being petty. Then again no one went through the 5 years of hell that I went through with him either.

No title

We are going to have to buy a new computer. The one we have now is freezing every five mins. We have ran this and that program to try to fix it and nothing has worked. So we are going to buy a new one. I actually like that idea.
tomorrow morning is court. This is just another waste of our time I,m sure because again nothing can be solved without us both agreeing on it. GOOD LUCK with that! We have tried over and over to agree but ot really is impossible. Shoot if we could agree then we wouldn't be going through the court system.
I think that my husband and I are going to buy the paint for the bedroom this week. I'm really looking forward to painting. I am so sick of white. We are going to paint it a marine color. Well, I must be off. Have a good day!

True cartoon

I have been trying to upload this great cartoon I seen in the paper. For some reason it won't up load so I will do my best to discribe it .

This women is in a hospital bed and is speaking to her nurse, "WOW. Your childcare situation sounds a bit.....complicated. The nurse says, "It's fine the twins are always with family. The lady in the bed says back to the nurse," I am the owner of a reputable daycare center. Perhaps you'd like information. The nurse tells her After four children we don't nees information.. We need Volunteers.

Let me here an AMEN!

Feeling left out

I know this is silly but I have spent the majority of my summer with my kids for many years now. This will be the first year that I don't. I have work 4 days a week and then I will be starting my classes in July 5 days a week. This leaves little time for me to attend their ball games and go swimming with them ( although it is too cold to swim right now). Then again I don't have to hear how bored they are. Last year however, they had many lemonaide stands and that was fun to watch them do. oh well, I guess i will enjoy what I do with them even more. Off to work I go.

It is a beautiful day

It is such a nice day outside! The sun is shinning and there are few clouds in the sky. My plants are growing well, for the most part. For some reason I cannot grow a rose bush! I planted it after the last frost and it was doing great. Now it is near death and I cannot seem to revive it. Oh well, I guess I'll try again next year. I have been keeping very busy and trying not to think of the impending court date. He has dug himself so deep that I cn't see how he is going to weasel his way out.
Today is the kids' last day of school! They are very happy. It doesn't matter much to me this year because I'll be in scholl most of the summer. I will spend as much time as I can with them before I start. Well, I hope everyone's day goes well.

Nothing has changed

I haven't written in a while but I want everyone to know I am still here. Nothing has really changed. He keeps digging himself deeper and deeper. I really don't have time to write but I'll try to update later.

You wear me out!

I have a good theme song for what is going on in my life right now. I believe it is by My Chemical Romance and part of the song goes I'm not ooook, I'm not ooookkkk you wear me out!
That is how I feel about what jerk off is doing to me right now. Everytime I agree on something he wants more and more. Oh, he'll drop wanting 50% custody if I will agree on a child support amount with him. Gee, does someone only want 50% custody so that he doesn't get screwed in child support? He has just dug himself a nice hole. I would be willing to give him anything that he wanted if he was a GOOD DAD, not even a great dad, but no. This is how he wants to play then fine. I am so sick of the court and tired of trying to find the money to pay the lawyer but I don't care. My kids and their best interest come A NUMBER ONE! I tried to work with him, honest and truly. My husband and I have agreed that no matter what happens we will never put the kids through what I am going through right now. We will sit down like adults and do what is right for everyone. My husband is a great dad and I would give him 50% custody in a heart beat even if I hated him. Everyone sees that he does what is in the best interest for all his kids. Well, thanks for listening to my problems. I am off to other things now.

Whirlwind

I am in a whirl wind and cannot stop it. Everything always happens at once. Why can't life just go a few months without 100 major problems going on? Last night I was ready to not go to school to just go to work and deal with this court mess. Then I thought that this maybe may only chance with out having to pay thousands in daycare. Then I would have ruined God's reason for my husband having to take so much time off of work. What could possibly be the reason for the rest of this stress? I can't take much more. My sanity is running low...HELP!!

A Strange Family

Ok I have always known that my hubby's family was an odd bunch but, this has to take the cake. My husband's Grandmother died last Nov. And noone told him until now. His mother mentioned that she went to put flowers on her mother's grave on Mother's Day and my husband goes who's grave and that is when his mom told him! This just tops all! Now she didn't invite or even tell him when she got married a 2nd time. Ok that I can kind of see, she didn't come to our wedding. Ok we were in another state, but this there is no excuse for. What could she possibly say to him as a reason why noone told him? Parton the pun but, that was the last nail in the coffin of their already rocky relationship. I know she has lost all my respect.

Another Blog

I was cruiseing through blogs the other day and wow I didn't relize how many depressed people there were out in the world. Most are on the brink, at the end of their rope. I wish I had of known that there was so many out there when I was younger then I wouldn't have suffered a lone. As long as I know now though, I guess it makes it all good. My mother taught me hind sight is 20/20.
Nursing schools starts back up here soon. I am so excited! My friend is entering a different school for Nursing and they are taking into account her high school record. Now she has been out of school for 20 years. I think that is so silly since she has a great college record that is recent. She told the application lady that she is a diffrent person now then she was in high school ( aren't we all?). Oh the stuff that soceity finds to keep people down. Anyhow we will find out how things went before the fall term. I have a lot of cleaning to get done because when I was getting things out of the file cabinet for my lawyer I just left the other stuff out and about. I am such a pack rat. However, I am learning what should be kept and what can be thrown.
P.S Whoever made the polly pockets doesn't have little kids that can't put on the rubber clothing. I think they are the hardest toy to dress!

How AM I?

How am I ? Now there is an interesting question.
I am not sure how I am. I guess I am waiting... the sencond shoe has finally dropped when I comes to my X. So now all there is left to do is wait. I am being accused of violating everything in our orginal custody agreement and being taken to court for about $3000 by him. My lawyer has said not to panick. So here I am sitting and waiting. I keep saying the prayer from my last post because there is no point in worrying about things that I have no control over. The past keeps coming back to bite me in the butt. I really thought my X has moved on since he is suppose to be getting married this summer, but it seems that he wants revenge ( via the court) for every wrong he thinks I commited. Oh, well. Anyhow, I really can't say how I am...

Prayer

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference

This is a prayer my mom taught me. I say it over and over and over.

My Mom

Mother's Day is around the corner and I thought that I would type some about my mom.

I know my mom thinks that she has failed me and I haven't done much to discourage that feeling. The truth is that my mom actually did me wonders. She taught me to stand up for your children and follow your maternal instincts. She taught me to depend on myself and that no matter what you have to keep trucking. She taught me to trust God, and that he never gives us more than we can handel. There is no shame in asking for help if you need it.
Everytime I start to blog some one needs something. I'll have to finish this later.