You wear me out!

I have a good theme song for what is going on in my life right now. I believe it is by My Chemical Romance and part of the song goes I'm not ooook, I'm not ooookkkk you wear me out!
That is how I feel about what jerk off is doing to me right now. Everytime I agree on something he wants more and more. Oh, he'll drop wanting 50% custody if I will agree on a child support amount with him. Gee, does someone only want 50% custody so that he doesn't get screwed in child support? He has just dug himself a nice hole. I would be willing to give him anything that he wanted if he was a GOOD DAD, not even a great dad, but no. This is how he wants to play then fine. I am so sick of the court and tired of trying to find the money to pay the lawyer but I don't care. My kids and their best interest come A NUMBER ONE! I tried to work with him, honest and truly. My husband and I have agreed that no matter what happens we will never put the kids through what I am going through right now. We will sit down like adults and do what is right for everyone. My husband is a great dad and I would give him 50% custody in a heart beat even if I hated him. Everyone sees that he does what is in the best interest for all his kids. Well, thanks for listening to my problems. I am off to other things now.

Whirlwind

I am in a whirl wind and cannot stop it. Everything always happens at once. Why can't life just go a few months without 100 major problems going on? Last night I was ready to not go to school to just go to work and deal with this court mess. Then I thought that this maybe may only chance with out having to pay thousands in daycare. Then I would have ruined God's reason for my husband having to take so much time off of work. What could possibly be the reason for the rest of this stress? I can't take much more. My sanity is running low...HELP!!

A Strange Family

Ok I have always known that my hubby's family was an odd bunch but, this has to take the cake. My husband's Grandmother died last Nov. And noone told him until now. His mother mentioned that she went to put flowers on her mother's grave on Mother's Day and my husband goes who's grave and that is when his mom told him! This just tops all! Now she didn't invite or even tell him when she got married a 2nd time. Ok that I can kind of see, she didn't come to our wedding. Ok we were in another state, but this there is no excuse for. What could she possibly say to him as a reason why noone told him? Parton the pun but, that was the last nail in the coffin of their already rocky relationship. I know she has lost all my respect.

Another Blog

I was cruiseing through blogs the other day and wow I didn't relize how many depressed people there were out in the world. Most are on the brink, at the end of their rope. I wish I had of known that there was so many out there when I was younger then I wouldn't have suffered a lone. As long as I know now though, I guess it makes it all good. My mother taught me hind sight is 20/20.
Nursing schools starts back up here soon. I am so excited! My friend is entering a different school for Nursing and they are taking into account her high school record. Now she has been out of school for 20 years. I think that is so silly since she has a great college record that is recent. She told the application lady that she is a diffrent person now then she was in high school ( aren't we all?). Oh the stuff that soceity finds to keep people down. Anyhow we will find out how things went before the fall term. I have a lot of cleaning to get done because when I was getting things out of the file cabinet for my lawyer I just left the other stuff out and about. I am such a pack rat. However, I am learning what should be kept and what can be thrown.
P.S Whoever made the polly pockets doesn't have little kids that can't put on the rubber clothing. I think they are the hardest toy to dress!

How AM I?

How am I ? Now there is an interesting question.
I am not sure how I am. I guess I am waiting... the sencond shoe has finally dropped when I comes to my X. So now all there is left to do is wait. I am being accused of violating everything in our orginal custody agreement and being taken to court for about $3000 by him. My lawyer has said not to panick. So here I am sitting and waiting. I keep saying the prayer from my last post because there is no point in worrying about things that I have no control over. The past keeps coming back to bite me in the butt. I really thought my X has moved on since he is suppose to be getting married this summer, but it seems that he wants revenge ( via the court) for every wrong he thinks I commited. Oh, well. Anyhow, I really can't say how I am...

Prayer

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference

This is a prayer my mom taught me. I say it over and over and over.

My Mom

Mother's Day is around the corner and I thought that I would type some about my mom.

I know my mom thinks that she has failed me and I haven't done much to discourage that feeling. The truth is that my mom actually did me wonders. She taught me to stand up for your children and follow your maternal instincts. She taught me to depend on myself and that no matter what you have to keep trucking. She taught me to trust God, and that he never gives us more than we can handel. There is no shame in asking for help if you need it.
Everytime I start to blog some one needs something. I'll have to finish this later.

What surpised me most about being a mom

The thing that has surpised me the most about being a mom is how many ways your heart can break and how many little ways it can quickly be healed.
What has surpised you the most about being a parent?

I am still batteling

My advice to all women every where be careful with whom you have children with.
Mothers show this to your daughters, let them know what a struggle it is to get what is your childs best interst when there is a person that only wants to work against you. The pain in your childs face when the father lets your child down, the long court battles to get him to do what is right. The pain the whole family goes through every time he acts like an idiot and tries to force your child to go to his house when he/she doesn't want to. Hind sight is 20/20 but you can never go back and fix the mistakes and the broken hearts. The only thing you can do is plung forward and hope for the best. No matter how much in love you think you are, or think that you are going to spend the rest of your life toghther, WAIT. Just WAIT. I cannot save my child from heart break, but maybe you can save your future children from it.

Last Post before Easter

This will be the last post before Easter because I have so much to do.
Everytime I have gone to check my e-mail these past few days, my stomach starts to do flips. Not good flips either. I don't want to get a call or email from my x and my stomach aches everytime I think about having to deal with him. I never know what to expect when it comes to him. Thinking about us going back to court makes me want to go throw up. I know I will be sick for weeks once I get my court date. My daughters birthday is on Fri and I know he won't call her (again). He has never called her or sent her anything for her birthday. I know that this will lead to another week of tears. Then I turn around and feel bad for ever having kids with him. I would have missed the dance if I knew that I could spare my daughter years of pain.

Pop corn balls

I just finished making popcorn balls. My cousins grandma used to make them every Halloween. I didn't know how messy they really were. I appericate those popcrn balls alot more now ans believe me I loved them back then! I made them today for my oldest daughter to take to school for her birthday treat. We are going to have 4 of her friends spend the night Thurs-Fri. After that we will head to my grandma's house on Saturday for Easter. I don't know how long we will stay but, the kids are bringing all their baseball stuff and plenty of other things to do. It should be a good time. Have a Happy Easter.

A little of this little of that

The wheels are now well oiled for the oldest daughter's dyslexia testing. We have an appointment set for her, the money has been set a side. I feel a big relief that we will know soon if something is wrong with her and what it is. I almost hope that there is something wrong because I have tried everything that I can think of. Is that bad?
How come my side bar won't show up on my computer but will on others?

Up date

I downloaded the Thomas Kincade pics. from his web site. ( I think that is where I got them ).
The wheels are in slow motion to go back to court. As i am reading the law I have a feeling that this is going to be a long fight. You would think that with all the bull shit he has put my daughter through that it would be an open and shut case. I have a feeling that he is going to try to blame her not going on me. Then he will either try to get me for contempt of court or try to take the kids. It is going to be a tougher battle to get her last name changed. I have the truth on myside so I am counting on the truth to win it for us.
I also called the nursing school to make sure that there was still space for me because it is taking so long to get my shots. They told me not to worry they have my spot saved! oh, good that takes a lot off my mind.
There is grest medical news out there also. Scientist have grown organs that work from one's own stem cells!! That means so much for so many!!!

I really like these

The only therapy I can afford

This is the only therapy I can afford right now, thank goodness it is free.
My X called the police this morning because my daughter didn't want to go to his house. All he would have had to do is apologize to her for being such an incosiderate, selfish person. Then she would have forgiven him and went. No instead he had to try to be a bully. Well, it did not work. She told the officer that she didn't want to go because he treated her poorly. He asked if her mom or step-dad was stopping her from going , she said no and that was the end of it. At least for today. I am sure that I haven't heard the last of him on this matter. There is so much going on in my life, his shit was the last that I needed to deal with.

Long time, No blog

I finally have a few mins. to myself, so I thought I would blog. So much has been happening that I don't know if I can even keep up with it. I jsut go through my days getting done what I can and planning on when I can get the stuff that I wasn't able to get done, done. My X is being his useual jerkish self so my daughter is refuseing to go to his house until "he can care for me like he should." These are her words. She feels like she is invisable when she is over there. Also she is really mad because when she hurt her ankel he Never called her. Not even after she chewed him out for not calling her. I don't encourage her either way. The only thing I say is for her to do what makes her happy. I learned the hard way that your happiness depends on the choices you make, including the the choice of who you are with. I don't want her to learn these lessons too late.

A pitcure like this reminds me of when I was a kid. My cousins and I would walk through the woods and explore. Sometimes we would come to an opening and it was always a mystery what we would find in it. Those were the days of pure innocence and peace.

I was at the doctor's office the other day looking at the BMI index chart. I for got to ask him to explain it to me. Can anyone help me out? I know being a soon to be nurse I should know, but I don't.

I am so glad that spring is fianlly here. although the weather is still cold, the promise of it getting warmer just makes me feel relieved. I had a nice spring pic. but i am having trouble getting it loaded. Is there a way that anyone can send me some nice spring picture Via- the computer?

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

I had to scream to get it out of my system.
On top of everything, my daughter sprained her ankle badly in school today. We took her for x-rays and she is now on crutches with an air cast. I called work and had them replace me because who knew how long we maybe. This is the second time this week I haven't worked. I didn't go last time because I had to attend a funeral. I should have seen the next part coming because for some reason people in my family die in threes. My other uncle on the other side of the family is about ready to go to the pearly gates and I have another uncle that could or could not go soon too. The last time someone(s) went it was my grandfather and then two aunts. I am enjoying everything as much as possible. I have my husband home with me because he got hurt at work. He is helping me as much as he can and then there is my best friend who is very encouraging. I really do have a good support system when I take the time to look around me. That is more than some have.

the spin quickens

I have made a interview appointment with a doctore that specializes in learning disablities. This way I can find out just what is the matter with my daughter. More and more things are being added to my calander. My husband was hurt at work so now he will have a slew of appointments. My Uncle has passed so we are driving 4 hours so we may attend his furnel. I can't wait til my stuff for school has been taken care of, this will take a lot off my calender and my mind. Some days I feel that I could just fall over. My face has broken out real bad. Poor, poor me. I know there is so much worse things that people deal with. I just need to vent to get it off my chest.