I have been crying on and off all week. The medication I take is not helping. The stress of school and family have gotten me so far down I can't see the light. I am always doing things for others and normally that makes me happy. When it comes time for me to do something for myself I fail. It doen't matter that I am only 28, I am smart and suppose to be strong and yet I have failed. I am drooping the classes I already have due to stress. It is eating me alive. I feel that I can't do anything right. Everytime I turn around I have done something else wrong. It is getting to the point that I don't even care. I can't even go to counseling because I have noone to watch my 4 year old. I want to throw stuff, I want to throw up, I want to scream and punch something.
My husband is getting mad at me and I am not sure how I feel about it. Numb I think. I do more than my share of crying about life. I did this to myself, i know that. How do I just move on and say oh well, so, I can't do this right now. I just have a hard time accepting that. I fight it until I almost destroy myself. I am so messed up.
3 comments:
I know how you feel. Just try to take care of yourself and go for a walk or go to your friend's house for tea or something. Try to do something just for yourself, even if it for just a short period of time. When the kids were little, I would go to my room and shut the door and read or draw or write for a bit. Usually right after supper, when they were doing something else.
Ha, I don't even get time after dinner!
OOOO you know there are alot of people in blogdom feeling this way at the moment, i don't know if it is the shift in the weather, the season and the added pressure it brings or is something has happened that you hav not discussed here. (I am not prying). I know When I studied I had two kids, a HUbby and sickparents.Everyso often I had to step back and take time for me. I used to feel really guilty too. Without that time I would have gone totally "stuuupid". If you need counselling GO! take the 4 yr old with you(plus some toys etc) ... there will always be an extra pair of hands that can look at him/her for you. Do not -not go- if you desperatley need it. I took my much younger son everywhere with me...I jsut had a special toy bag that came out at such occasions. Look after yourself. Thinking of you
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