Long Time

I know it has been a long time since I have been here. I have been too busy as I am sure everyone has. We had a great Christmas and I hope everyone else did too. On Christmas eve we had friends over and we played games. It felt like we were real people for one night. Santa was good to everyone and the kids really enjoyed themselves. It has been pretty warm here. All the snow is gone now and it is drizzleing outside. Atleast it is warmer, that cold brought me down.
Lately I have been reading about King Henery VIII and his wives. Good stuff and I just finished about the fight between Queen Mary and Princess Elizabeth for the crown. Now I want to read about Queen Elizabeth the I. I love that stuff. It is not romantic like Disney makes it out to be. There is so much back stabbing and betrayal. Good Stuff, Good Stuff.
The kids want me to take them to Chuckie cheese today so I must be off. Have a grand day!

Gray

28 and gray. I found 2 gray hairs at my temple the other day. It is a trait in the family for the women to go gray early but I was hopeing to get my father's genes. In his family they don't go gray til' they arre in their 60's. Not fair. I feel old. I didn't want to look old as well. Well, the only thing I can do is keep coloring it. ho hum.

It is Christmas time in the city

Why don't I feel the magic? My Christmas stuff is up. We put it up together,My gifts are bought and some wrapped.Why haven't I felt the excitement, the peace. What is the matter with me? I am just going on like I do everyday and don't feel a thing. WHY? It is staring to irratate me that I am not enjoying this season. I don't know why. Where did my joy go?
Maybe the fact that I am trying to save the planet everyday of my life it has sucked the joy out of me. I deal with so much that i forgot where to find the joy. Is that it? Or is it something else? Is there something wrong with me? I think there is. I didn't find anyjoy when my husband and I went out the other night either. It is me. I guess it takes more than 2 thearpy sessions to be better.

My Family

My 10 year old daughter has such a nasty attitude. You would think she was a teen. I took her shopping yesterday for a present for school and I warned her 5 mins. ahesd of time that we were going soon. It was just her and I going, I thought she would enjoy it. She gave me such a bad attitude when I told her it was time to go that I thought about not taking her at all. I try to do things with my kids one on one. If we can't do that I try to do stuff that we all enjoy. She just has such a bad attitude about everything that all I want to do is slap her. Sometimes I just let it go. Other times it really flares my temper.
My mom used to play games with me. I remember that she tought me every card game I know, not black jack my Uncle Lenn tought me how to play that. I enjoyed spending this time with her and thought my kids would enjoy spending time with me. I don't know. Kids, why are they so strange?

Baking

"Oh, the waether outside is frightful, but the fire inside is so delightful..." The weather outside is just nasty. It is freezing rain! Yuck. Good day to bake however. Yesterday I made no bake cookies. They turned out too soft. I think that is because I used the tub soft butter and not the hard stick butter. That would have made the difference, I think. I was thinking of making cut out cookies today and sending some to our elderly neighbors. I seen that some one had a bucket of coal forsale in the paper. I am considering buying it and giving it to our nasty neighbors. Writing on the card From: the neighborhood. Bah, Humbug. But the Christmas spirt has a hold of me and I do think that would go over to well. I guess I will go watch the Little mermaid with my four year old and then consider baking. Merry Chirstmas to all and to all a good night.

Choosing Battles

I am such a fool. Why is it I pick my battles carefully when my kids are little but as soon as they grow up we are fighting about everything. For example, I let my four year old wear what she feels is going to make her "popular". Those are her words. Infact she sometimes looks like a real goof, but yesterday I was fighting with my 10 year old over what she was going to wear sledding. How dumb is that. It is no wonder I am over stressed. Then my X emails me and says some nasty things. Now why should I care what he thinks about me. He is my X for a reason. When and why did I stop choosing my battles. Boy do I have some work to do to regain myself.

I was not...

I was not a greedy child. Infact I hardly asked for anything. I have passed the trait on to my daughters but unfourtanaly not my son. Do you know he gave me a 4 page Christmas list, front and back! The girls were lucky if they had 4 things on theirs. He did however buy something for everyone in the family, including the dog at his Santa shop on $5. Atleast he evens everything out. I teach all my kids about giving, nomatter what time of year it is, nomatter how poor we are. Whether it is change to the Salvation Army or Cookies,or bread for our neighbors. The nice ones that is. I should find coal for the mean ones! I hope that these lessons stay with them always. No matter what your situation there is always someone out there worse off. Even if it doesn't see possible.

One Christmas Day

When I was younger my dad had a truck that had a cab over the back. My brothers and I had to ride in the back because there was not enough room up front. I always thought it was cool to have our own private spot. We could say and do pretty much anything, as long as mom and dad didn't catch us. Mind you there was no heat going through this so it could get cold in the winter. I didn't mind much. My dad had put an old foam matteress back there for us to sit on and we had blankets to keep us warm. One Christmas Day we went to my grandma's house riding in the back of the truck. I remember the ride well. It was so quiet out. I don't remember another car on the road. There was plenty of snow on the ground but none falling from the sky. I sat back there and watched the countryside go by and all the way there I sang "Over the River and Through The Woods". Strange, that is all I remember of that day.

A bunch of things

I don't think that my brother is doing as well living at my house as he should be. He is bord and when he gets bord he goes out. Last night he was at the bar for 6 hours! I know he had been drinking a lot because he made a hell of a lot of noise when he came home. He tries to be respectful, but sometimes he forgets that he sleeps in my sons room and all of the kids' rooms are connected. The money he spent last night he should have sent to my dad as part of pay back for paying his bills. There is only so much that I can say to him. Maybe he won't go out this weekend though. I want to help him but I can't if he won't help himself.
I spent this morning mopping half of my basement floor. Oh what a chore that was. I want the kids to be able to play down there so that is what I had to do. There is so much that needs to be done today. I have an appointment at 2 that I have to take the 4 year old with me to. Yippeee.
Last night I went to a poetry reading and it was really good. The guy kept his voice at an even tone but the poems themselves created the pictures in your mind.
I have nothing to wear to my husbands Christmas party. This is rather upsetting to me because I gained weight and this is why I have nothing to wear. I feel like a fat pig and yet the food still finds it way to my mouth.!

Everyday

My 4 year old asks me everyday if it is Christmas. Every night we watch a Christmas cartoon that is on TV.
I remember the year my mom told me that her and Dad were Santa. I won't beleive it. In fact every year after that I tried really hard to prove her wrong. I still beleive in the spirt of Santa. I am not going to tell my kids that Santa isn't real. I'm going to go ahesd and let them beleive for as long as they want. I always tell them that as long as they beleive in Santa then he is real. Yes, my children there really is a Santa Clause.

No one Noticed!!

No one even noticed I spelled girls wrong on my blogger name! Infact I just noticed myself. I have done some 65 blogs and am now just noticeing my mistake. That jsut shows that I hardly proof read. Who has time for that?!

My Husband's Christmas gift

I am giving my husband a gift this year that I don't think even I will ever top. His favorite baseball player is Reggie Jackson, when he played for the Yankees. I bought him a jersey that is an authentic replica and Reggie Jackson has signed it. It has with it a certificate of authenticity too. I bought it for only $95.00! I am so excited I can hardly stop myself from giving him hints about it. I have been saving my money especially for his Christmas gift. He is very hard to buy for. me on the other hand am excited when I get fuzzy warm socks. That is just the way I am I guess. I am making Christmas ordaments for my friends. I know they will like those. Well, have a calm shopping trip for those who go out on the crazy weekends!

This time of year

i will be writing a lot of cute Christmas past and present stuff from now until the hoiliday is over.
One year my two brothers got up at about 3 am and wanted to go down and open presents. I knew that our parents weren't getting up that early so we went down looked in our stockings, looked at the unwrapped presents ( the bid ones were always unwrapped) and I the boys back upstairs to my room. Up there I read them The Night before Christmas, and let them sleep in my bed. They were up again at 5 or 6 ready to wake our parents up! Slowly they got out of bed cuz we couldn't wait any longer.

Seeing Santa

My two youngest girls went to see Santa on Saturday. My 6 year old is pretty shy so she didn't speak unless Santa spoke to her. My 4 year old however, climbed right up on Santa's lap and started a full conversation with him about his reindeer. It was so sweet. She sat there and told him how she had seen him earlier arrive on a trolley near her house and what everyone wanted for Christmas. It was cute. I love this time of year!

Happy Thanksgiving

The family is gathered,the turkey is in the oven. The wind outside is wicked and the large snow flakes are coming down. My husband is at the stove and my bread is baked. The kids are upstairs playing with their cousin. It is a grand day to celebrate Thanksgiving. I an always thankful for my dear, faithful husband. I am thankful for my wild and sweet children, my crazy dog, my loving cats, my dear father-in-law ( even if he does date our sitters). I am thankful that I have the ability to help others and that my family is all well. My friends are dear and doing well also. I am thankful that I am healthy and there are just so many others things that it would take all day to write. I hope that when you resd this you have a family to enjoy and friends to comfort and that comfort you. I hope that even if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving you reflect on the things that y0u are thankful for.

Have you seen me?

I have stopped going to school. the semester is almost over and I have stopped. That means that I will receive a F in these classes and I care but I don't. The college has given me nothing but problems and I am at the end of my rope with my self so I just stopped going. I will regret this later I know. I haven't seen the me that everyone (including myself) likes in about a month. I am calling around for a coulsor today. I don't know how well this will work out but, I might as well go. I don't really have anything to talk about besides what I say here. There isn't much else going on. I can hardly stand myself si maybe I can go and get some insite on what is going on in my head. Good luck to me. Have a Happy Hoilday if you are celebrating one.

I am weak

I have been crying on and off all week. The medication I take is not helping. The stress of school and family have gotten me so far down I can't see the light. I am always doing things for others and normally that makes me happy. When it comes time for me to do something for myself I fail. It doen't matter that I am only 28, I am smart and suppose to be strong and yet I have failed. I am drooping the classes I already have due to stress. It is eating me alive. I feel that I can't do anything right. Everytime I turn around I have done something else wrong. It is getting to the point that I don't even care. I can't even go to counseling because I have noone to watch my 4 year old. I want to throw stuff, I want to throw up, I want to scream and punch something.
My husband is getting mad at me and I am not sure how I feel about it. Numb I think. I do more than my share of crying about life. I did this to myself, i know that. How do I just move on and say oh well, so, I can't do this right now. I just have a hard time accepting that. I fight it until I almost destroy myself. I am so messed up.

Has Christmas become so very important that Thanksgiving just gets in the way? Two days after Halloween some people in the neighborhood put up their Christmas Decorations! Then I went to the mall yesterday and Santa was there! He never used to come until the day after Thankgiving. I remember reading the signs and my kids getting all excited. Walmart has been playing Christmas music since right after Halloween. This is getting out of hand.!! It used to be that the stores would put out some Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving to get people thinking. Then everything would come out right before Thanksgiving so they would be ready for BLACK Friday. This Christmas thing is just so out of hand anymore. I am doing the same thing I always have done. I start bring the stuff out the day after Thanksgiving then the first week of December I put the tree up. What does everyone else think?

A New Hope

Yesterday my dear friend came over. She brought with her a new hope for Nursing. She too wants to become a RN, she too has major road blocks in her way. So she found an LPN program that has a daycare right across the street. We can also get funding for this daycare as long as we are in school. Once we get our LPN then it will be easy to get our Rn and we will also have a working knowledge of what is going on in the work force as a RN. The difference is only one years education. There are a few resticitons on a LPN but, I don't know what they are. I know there isn't as many as there are on a CNA. Anyhow we can do this in one year and we would do this together. Talk about a great support sysytem! Our kids would go to day care together. Her boys are already fighting over who my 4 year olds boyfriend is. They are sweet.
On a side note her 4 year old punched his 3 year old little brother for accidenty hitting my 4 year old!!
Any way this is great news!!!

The 60's

I have heard many people talk bad about the 60's and the Hippies. I got to thinking about it and a lot of good things came from the hippies ideas and values. Just think everytime you walk into a health food store, that is there because the hippies wanted all natural things. Everytime you buy organtic thank a hippie. They were ahead of their time really. They new what was bad for the body and people scaffed at them. They enjoyed life and lived off the land. I know there were other things that they did that can be scaffed at but I was just thinking of the good.